


haut monde

by neogotmyheart



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Choking, F/M, Hate Sex, Oral Sex, Semi-Public Sex, Shameless Smut, Smut, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2020-04-11 13:06:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19110280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neogotmyheart/pseuds/neogotmyheart
Summary: growing up with more money than you could dream of, you always had what you wanted. nakamoto yuta was similar to you in wealth, status, beauty, and flaws. your innate attraction to each other proved to be entertaining at first before slowly turning into something you never could have expected. he was everything you didn’t know you wanted while simultaneously being your worst fear





	haut monde

The emerald green dress you were currently wearing proved to be little help against the bitter breeze on the balcony. You just couldn’t stand to be in the party any longer with the watchful eyes of tipsy, unfaithful businessmen who would cheat on their wives in a heartbeat. Some would say you were asking for it seeing as you showed up in an outfit that didn’t have much more fabric than a slip and showed more chest than your mother would have approved of. Dainty gold necklaces grazed between your cleavage, drawing even more attention to the bare expanse of skin. Your legs were accentuated by heels that were too high to be comfortable and dress that could give some people a small show if you bent over the right way. You liked being noticed and fawned over when you had a better audience. 

Unfortunately, this party just didn’t have anyone that caught your interest as you caught theirs. Whether it be because they were too old, too ugly, or their dick was too small from previous encounters, the company tonight lacked the variety you would have hoped for considering the outfit you put together. You rolled your eyes at the less than ideal outcome and pulled out a cigarette from your small clutch, lighting it. The smoke mixed with the aftertaste of the sparkling champagne and you focused on that instead of the way the night caused goosebumps across your skin. If you couldn’t have a good time, you could at least do yourself a favor and have a smoke before getting so drunk you wouldn’t even have to remember this party.

You heard the door open behind you before turning your attention to the man walking out. His back was to you as he shut the door quietly. Of course, you couldn’t have a second alone. Why would you ever be gifted such a luxury?

“Thanks for knocking.” You bit sarcastically before taking another draw from the cigarette.

He turned around, eyebrows raised before giving you a feigned apologetic tone. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know this was your house.”

“You know it’s not.” You looked at him. He didn’t look familiar but honestly, no one did anymore. You didn’t remember the time you spent at any of your father’s business gatherings and you never cared to. “It’s the Nakamoto’s or something like that. They just moved here so they just had to one-up everyone and buy the biggest house in the city.”

“I’ll let my parents know you have such a strong opinion about their real estate endeavors.” His gaze stayed on you, eyes searching for some sort of reaction while he gave you a playful smirk.

“Yeah, right.” You laughed. “Very funny.”

He was incredibly attractive now that you were getting a better look at him. His smile was mischievous and made you feel like his mind was nothing but bad ideas. His eyes were dark and powerful, unwavering regardless of how long you maintained eye contact. Usually, a man backed down from your stare, but this boy was holding his ground just fine. You were intrigued by him, to say the least, and wouldn’t mind having a little bit of fun with the new boy in town. He extended a hand towards you. “Nakamoto Yuta. It’s nice to meet you, miss…”

“___.” You answered. “Although you still don’t have me convinced you’re who you say you are.” The fact that his face was completely unfamiliar to you was proof enough, but you didn’t mind giving him a hard time for the sake of your entertainment.

“Let’s take a walk around inside.” He extended his arm towards you, turning back towards the boring party. “Surely you’ve met my dad already.”

You walked towards him and his hand moved from the small of your back to rest on your waist. “It’s impolite to not greet the host.”

“All this knowledge on manners and you still speak with such a sharp tongue to people you don’t even know.”

“If you’re referring to me calling your house over the top, try to sit here and tell me this isn’t the most outrageous form of a power move.”

“Oh no, this house is the worst. I get lost in it.” Your laugh interrupted him. It was the worst form of a brag but the way he delivered the statement made it seem oddly sincere. He looked at you, eyes wide, before continuing. “I wish I was kidding but it honestly isn’t even funny anymore. I couldn’t even show you where my room was if I wanted to.”

“Already talking about showing me your room, but you’re leading me into the most boring party known to man instead.” You shook your head. Usually, you had to work a little harder to get someone to admit they were interested, but Yuta seemed to prefer a more forward approach and you couldn’t say you hated it.

His grip on your waist tightened before he leaned down to whisper in your ear. “I have manners of my own, ___. I need to have a sign you’re interested. All you’ve done so far is question my identity and make fun of my house.”

“Okay, but even you made fun of your house.”

“It’s the gaudiest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.” You laughed again and he grabbed the two of you some champagne. You watched the way he finished the drink in one go, placing the flute back on the counter and grabbing another. “How many have you had tonight?”

“This will be my third.”

He finished the next flute, repeating the action. “There. Now I’m all caught up.”

“You’re telling me, you’ve made it this long at the party and you were completely sober?” You had been here at least an hour and two flutes were not enough. Yuta’s supposed parents were boring, keeping all the liquor locked away and giving the guests nothing but the sparkling wine. You would even consider downing a 7 and 7 at this point despite your extreme distaste for whiskey.

“I just got here. There’s no way I was showing up on time and staying until every guest left.” He admitted. 

“I only come for the last scheduled 45 minutes when it’s hosted at my place and even that is too long.”

“No one leaves when they’re supposed to. Maybe, I would like to sleep.” He feigned exasperation.

“Your room is probably a mile away. You wouldn’t hear anything. Besides, by the time you finally found your room, everyone would be gone.”

Yuta’s laugh was more appealing than you expected it to be. It wasn’t that you hated laughs, you were just typically unphased by them. His laugh drew you in in a way you didn’t know a sound could. It was dangerous to be attracted to someone for more than their body and you knew that. You learned your lesson the hard way when you and ex-boyfriend broke up. It was ridiculous to still be holding onto the trauma from that and you hated yourself for it, but every boy you encountered since him was so dull in comparison. Men had no appeal outside of their physical appearance and even that was being a little too generous. Most of the time when you would pursue a fleeting night with a boy at a party, you wouldn’t even finish. You were nothing short of underwhelmed by men and anything they had to offer at this point in time. Not hating the way Yuta’s hand felt on your waist or wanting to be the source of his laugh again clued you into the fact that you were playing with fire.

You were already starting to feel the burn from his fingertips. You tried to slip away, but someone gained the boy next to you’s attention. He turned his head towards the source, smile stretching across his face. “Dad. We were just looking for you.” His hand slid from your waist and you were thankful for the way the cold greeted your hip.

You turned to find that your parents were standing alongside Yuta’s. You recognized the man as the one you greeted directly after walking in the door and saw Yuta smirk from the corner of your eye.

Your father smiled at the two of you, seemingly pleased by the interaction. Of course, he would be. All he wants is for you to carry on his rich and successful legacy. Being with someone like Yuta would benefit him in so many ways. “I see you’ve met my daughter.”

“I have. You have raised a fine young woman, sir. She is delightful company.” Yuta answered, smiling towards the man.

“She takes after her mother.” Your dad replied. You loved your mother dearly, but you hoped you were smarter than her and wouldn’t stay with a man so keen on cheating on you. Your mom went through a lot emotionally out of fear for losing everything she had. It was hard to convince her that she would still have you no matter what, but it was near impossible to tell someone to give up a financially stable lifestyle when they had no one outside of their adulterous husband. She would have no place to go due to his manipulative way of isolating her. All of her friends were his friends and would never help her in the case of separation. The wives of the company undoubtedly bonded over the fact that they had all been cheated on and were stuck in an endless cycle of neglect. Your mom was nothing but something to show off at company functions like the one tonight. She was a trophy to brag about when the time was right but shoved on a shelf and forgotten about more often than not.

Whether Yuta was tired of the conversation or he felt your discomfort, his hand returned to the small of your back. “Well, I promised ___ I would show her around. She expressed her opinions on our home with me briefly and I would love to hear more from her.”

“She always has had a passion for architecture.” Your father called behind the two of you.

You picked up your pace slightly in order to get out of your parents' line of sight. You didn’t want to upset your mother by downing what you wished were endless flutes of champagne. 

After your third consecutive one, Yuta placed a hand of your wrist, keeping you from picking up another. “Slow down there, champ.”

“I hate architecture.” You said, turning to him. “He just runs around talking about how I have such a passion for architecture because it’s deemed a more respectable job. He doesn’t even want me to build cool shit. He talks about how I’m going to design the next skyscraper. All skyscrapers are rectangles. Big, old rectangles. What’s cool about that. Just draw a square on a paper and turn it in. Are you proud of me now, Dad?” You yelled as Yuta took your hand, leading you out of the main area and into one of his hallways. 

You caused a scene. It wasn’t rare that you drew more attention to yourself than necessary but usually, it was for stuff like making out with the CEO’s son who happens to be ten years older than you while everyone watched. Never had you yelled and screamed about your passions in the middle of a small get together. Every time you acted out, you thought maybe you could get out of these things. Instead, your father made it your punishment to go to more. It didn’t make a lot of sense to you but you went anyway because what choice did you have.

Once you were finally out of the room and into a more private area, Yuta finally responded to your outburst. “I think there’s a little more to it than drawing a square on a paper.”

“Well, I think it’s stupid.” 

“And I think the champagne from earlier is hitting.” There was a good chance he was right since you skipped dinner to avoid looking bloated in your dress. That did always have an effect on your tolerance.

“No, I just hate architecture.” You defend yourself. Your head was starting to feel a little foggy and it would only get worse now that you drank even more.

He raised an eyebrow. “I take it you hate your father, too?”

“I think I may hate him more than architecture.”

“Wow, okay. There’s a lot to dig into there and not enough time. Let’s look at the house.” Obviously not wanting to listen to a drunk girl rant and rave about her father, he continued walking further and further away from the party.

He led you through an extensive hallway and you stopped to look at all the art. Even though your vision was hazy and it was hard to stand up straight, you found peace taking in all the details of the paintings. You noticed the brush strokes and the tiny details unique to each painter. One day, you hoped to be half as talented as the artists that were deemed worthy enough to hang on the walls of this private manor. 

“Do you want to take off your shoes? You’re kind of swaying a little bit.” Yuta looked at you concerned, eyes following your slight back and forth movements. You responded with a yes before leaning down, stumbling in your attempt to remove the ridiculous footwear. He reached out, holding you still as you tried to push the small straps through the tiny buckle.

“These shoes are ugly and they make my feet hurt. I don’t even know why I wore them.” You mumbled, attempting to blow your hair out of your face in the process.

“You hold my shoulder, and I’ll take them off,” Yuta suggested and you complied, leaning against him as he bent over, taking off the shoes much faster than you ever could have in your inebriated state. Once he stood back up, he handed his shoes to you and offered his arm for you to hold on to. You accepted it before leaning fully into him, causing Yuta to let out a small laugh. 

“Do you usually drink this much?” He asked quietly.

“Only when-” you hiccupped before continuing. “My dad pisses me off.”

“How often does that happen?”

“Only about once a week.” You joked except Yuta didn’t laugh. He looked at you with something that might be concern but also might be pity. Either way, you didn’t like it. You didn’t like being offered half-hearted sympathy. Independence was something you prioritized and if someone felt bad for you or were worried about you, it meant you weren’t doing a good enough job of taking care of yourself.

He turned and opened a door before leading you inside. “Here, lay down and I’ll go get you some water.”

You walked over to the bed in the room. “You mean you brought me in here and it wasn’t your intention to sleep with me?”

“No. I wanted to make sure you got some rest and didn’t get picked up by some sleaze who would take advantage of you.”

“How do I know  _ you’re _ not the sleaze.” You said, words slurring slightly.

He shook his head, walking over to a set of drawers and pulling out a shirt just to throw it at you. “Get changed.”

“Oh, okay. So you won’t sleep with me but you’ll watch me change?”

“Who said I was going to watch? I’m going to get you some water and some food just like I said.”

“Oh.” You were mildly disappointed. Mostly because if you slept with Yuta, he would be just like every other guy. He could be lumped into a category of men that were disappointing. If he brought you food and water while also making sure you were away from prying eyes, he would be different. He would be someone who saw you as more than a quick lay and some entertainment in a boring room. If he were different, you were at risk for developing literally any sort of attraction to him and that was a threat to the cold front you had done such a good job of putting up.

You changed into the t-shirt, throwing your dress on the floor and leaned back on the bed. You had no idea what you were getting yourself into with Yuta but you didn’t want to entertain the idea of anything happening past tonight. Before Yuta could bring back food and water, you were already asleep.

 

Waking up in the morning was nothing short of miserable. Your head pounded from the hangover and dehydration. Memories from last night still seemed hazy. Sun came into through room through steady beams of light thanks to the open window. You groaned, covering your eyes before you felt stirring next to you. Turning your head slightly to the side, you saw Yuta starting to wake up through the small space between your fingers.

“Shit, shit, shit.” You mumbled quickly, rushing to get out of the bed just to fall onto the floor.

You heard Yuta laugh. “You know, I’ve never had that reaction before.”

“It’s not you, I-” you pulled at Yuta’s shirt, attempting to cover your body while the boy watched you struggle. “I don’t stay the night with people after I sleep with them.”

“We didn’t sleep together.” He corrected you and your head shot up to look at him.

“Then what am I doing here?” For what reason could you possibly be in his clothes and in his bed.

He stood up, walking over to gather your clothes before he made his way over to you. “You had quite a few glasses of champagne and so I let you sleep in here.”

You took your clothes from him, the emerald silk now wrinkled. “This house is huge. Why couldn’t you put me in one of the guest rooms?”

“We don’t exactly have furniture right now since my mom has decided that she has a passion for interior design. She wants to slowly decorate each guest room with a different theme.”

You looked at him, a single eyebrow raised. “Each room a different theme?”

“Yeah, like one room will be the garden room and it’s an indoor greenhouse. Another will be the hell room and it will be all red or something stupid.”

You laughed despite the way it sent waves of pain through your head. “This isn’t a bed and breakfast.”

“I know. That’s what I said.” He said before walking to his bathroom. “Basically, I brought you in here because I didn’t want you to be sleeping on the floor of what may be the future nautical room.” He returned with a few pills in hand and a glass of water.

“God, anything but the nautical room.” You accepted the Advil with a small thank you while Yuta’s laugh echoed around you.

“Do you need a ride home or anything?” He asked, sitting on the edge of the bed in front of you.

You were thankful for the fact that he was politely kicking you out. It relieved the stress of possible forced conversation and attempts at getting to know each other when you had no interest in any of the sorts. Shaking your head, you stood up. “Want your shirt back?”

“I’m sure we’ll see each other again. Just keep it for now. It covers about as much as that dress did, anyway.” He smirks at you before leaning back on his bed. “I’ll see you soon, ___.”

For your sake, you hoped you didn’t see him again. Most of the night was fuzzy but you remembered your initial attraction to him. You also remembered most of your conversations and didn’t like the way his witty comments made your chest heat in a way you hadn’t felt since your ex. The attraction was undeniable. He was handsome in a way that you weren’t used to seeing in the cookie cutter sons of VPs and CEOs. This boy was a walking time bomb, waiting to destroy everything you had built to protect yourself. 

Your driver was used to picking you up from random places the morning after a party. He had your location on his phone and would just wait outside for you. You would always ask him what time he got there and he would always reply with, “about fifteen minutes ago.” You had no doubt in your mind that your father paid him extra to stay wherever you were until it was time to go. He just couldn’t have his precious daughter being seen walking around trying to find a taxi or waiting for an uber. That would be too much of an embarrassment for him. No one outside of the normal business socialites would even recognize you but it was a risk he wasn’t willing to take.

Climbing into the car, you greeted your driver before resting your head against the seat. There was a party tonight thrown by one of the sons of your father’s coworkers. Anytime there was a boring business event, there was an actual party the next day. It wasn’t necessarily any more fun than formal events. The people are always the same and the hookups are always just as disappointing. The only difference was that you could drink without limits. If you were lucky, you could get your hands on some weed or coke. 

The party you were going to tonight was lead by Sicheng. His family transferred over from China and you became fast friends. Besides Yuta, he was one of the only people you hadn’t slept with. It wasn’t that you never tried and more that Sicheng had just always turned you down. It was nice to have just one person that you could count on no matter how much of a fool you made of yourself.

You pulled your phone out and called him.

“Hello?”

“What time is your party tonight?” You ask, picking at your nails. They were a little grown out but you were too lazy to get them redone.

“Should I tell you 7 so you actually show up on time?” Sicheng sighed.

You gasped, pretending to be offended by his accusation. “You know I come to yours early and help you set up.”

“When have you ever helped me? You just come early and nag while I do all the work.” He stated. Whether or not he was teasing was up for debate but you let the comment slide. That is usually what you did and there was no point denying it.

“Seriously, though. What time can I show up?”

“It starts at 9, but you know that you’re more than welcome at my house whenever you want.”

“Do you mind if I come now?” The thought of having to sneak back into your house wearing Yuta’s shirt didn’t make you feel good. You usually didn’t care so much about your parents finding out about your conquests but this one felt different. The chances of them actually seeing you were low, but being with Sicheng just sounded like a better option right now. This morning felt different for reasons you were choosing to ignore.

You heard humming on the other end of the phone. “Why does it feel like you’re running from something?”

“When am I not?” It wasn’t unheard of for you to turn up at Sicheng’s house unexpectedly. You had all the codes needed for his house and even your own room in the spacious manor. Sicheng’s father wasn’t very fond of your own parents which was why you were surprised when he accepted you as his son’s friend. The family was more familiar to you than your own at this point and you shamelessly expressed grievances towards your father. You trusted that the things you said would be kept inside the walls of the home. Everyone knew that if word got out, the only one who would be punished was you.

“I guess you’ve got a point. No alcohol until after dinner.”

“You’re so boring.” You groan. You really had no plan of drinking before the party seeing as your headache still lingered, but you were never a fan of restrictions.

“Call it what you want, but I call it being reasonable. Plus, I invited some new guy tonight. Wouldn’t want to make a fool of yourself in front of fresh bait.”

You knew he was talking about Yuta. Considering you couldn’t remember parts of the night and passed out in his bed, there was a high chance you already embarrassed yourself to some degree. You would fill Sicheng in later, but right now you just needed to get to his house and find a change of clothes in the makeshift closet you had there. You acknowledged his statement before giving a quick goodbye.

Sicheng’s house wasn’t near as large as Yuta’s, but no ones really was. It was average for your social circle which meant that it was still bigger than any one family would need. It was a common spot for parties seeing as his parents flew back to China frequently to report back to the branch there. Everyone would pile in while they were gone. It wasn’t uncommon for a party to stretch the span of a few days. This weekend was just a small trip, meaning everyone had to be gone tomorrow morning at the latest. Anyone who overstayed their welcome was forced by Sicheng to join the cleaning crew. People respected him in a way that they didn’t respect you. 

It had nothing to do with the way you dressed or the number of people you slept with. Everyone acted in a way similar to you. You just didn’t exactly have a presence that demanded respect. The biggest problem was that you didn’t care. You had money and no matter what, you had a comfortable future. What people did to you or said about you had no lasting effect on you. It didn’t change your view on yourself and it didn’t change the life you had. 

Sicheng cared about what people thought, but not to a fault. He knows the importance of appearances in this world and he works hard to keep his reputation high. He will undoubtedly land himself a spot in the company if he keeps it up. People like Sicheng for more than his money and his parties. You weren’t sure you could say the same for yourself.

You made your way inside, making your way straight to your best friend’s room.

Sicheng turned around, giving you a confused look after looking you up and down. “Which sorry excuse for a hook-up did you decide to give another chance?”

“None.” You answered, sitting on the edge of his bed and discarding your shoes.

He raised an eyebrow. “What’s the story behind the shirt?”

“I stayed at Yuta’s last night.” You said. Sicheng would expect more of an explanation but the thought of giving the whole story made your head pound even more.

“So you already slept with him? ___, he literally just got here.”

You did have a habit of working fast but the first day someone appears in your social circle would be a record for you. “No. I kinda blacked out.”

Sicheng looked at you unsurprised. “What did your dad say this time.”

“Started talking about architecture again. I know it’s stupid. It just feels like he’s trying to force me into all these decisions and I’m tired, Sicheng.”

“So you got drunk with the new guy?”

“No. He cut me off, actually.” You admitted. The memory of him gently pushing your hand away left you with an uncomfortable feeling in your stomach. It was undoubtedly embarrassment, but you weren’t sure as to why. You never cared what anyone thought before.

His eyes widened. “Someone besides me kept you from drinking?”

You shot him a warning look before getting off of his bed. “I’m going to go change and then probably take a nap.”

“I’ll wake you up for lunch.” He called after you.

You waved him off as you walked out of the room and into the one directly next to his. It used to be one of the many guest bedrooms, but it had since been transformed into your home away from home. You had toiletries in the bathroom and a variety of clothes in the closet. Unfortunately, none of them would be good enough to wear tonight which just meant you would drag Sicheng with you into a random shop after eating lunch. 

 

With full a full stomach and a new dress in hand, you started getting ready for the party. Knowing Yuta would be there made the whole process ten times harder. You never worried about impressing people, but tonight it was all you could think about. Just one night with him and he had already weaseled his way into your thoughts. The worst part of it was that you couldn’t even remember half of the evening and you were still looking forward to seeing him tonight. You slipped on the skin-tight white dress before forcing your feet into a pair of stilettos. It was a better outfit than the night before but all you needed it to do was get his attention and make him come talk to you. Surely it would be an easy task but you weren’t sure if you made a fool of yourself last night or not.

Sicheng was already finished ordering servers around by the time you came downstairs. You walked directly over to him, perching your chin on his shoulder.

“Thanks so much for coming by early. You really made the setup process go faster.” He sighed sarcastically. 

You wrapped your arm around him before poking out your bottom lip. “I had to get ready. There are people to impress.”

“I thought you already messed up last night.”

“Considering I don’t remember anything from last night, nothing is for certain.”

He rolled his eyes, breaking away from your hold to go answer a knock at the door. Sicheng was usually your babysitter when you drank just a little too much. He knew just how much of a handful you could be. You tended to be a little bit whiny and definitely clingy; two things that the boy didn’t enjoy at all. The only reason he put up with you was because somehow, through the power of some higher being, Sicheng cared about you. His tolerance for anyone else in the group was usually low. But for you? His patience was as wide as the ocean.

You sat down in one of the leather armchairs just as Johnny strolled into the room. He dropped a bag of joke onto the table before pulling out a separate bag of weed. “Want some? Since I love you so much, I’ll let you have first pick.” He smiled at you. 

Johnny was one of your repeated hookups. The sex wasn’t bad and he was friendly enough to make the interaction tolerable. The way he was looking at you right now led you to believe he was hoping for another night with you but unfortunately, you had your sights set elsewhere.

“I appreciate the offer but I need to be sober for at least a few hours.” The next time you saw Yuta, you needed to have a clear mind to avoid any of his charms affecting you more than they should. Your interactions with him were like walking a tightrope and you weren’t going to walk out on the line with such an intense handicap of cocaine. 

He raised his eyebrow. “Those are words I never thought I would hear you say.”

You took a cigarette out of your clutch and lit it. The smoke you exhaled swirled around you, creating a brief haze between you and Johnny. “Me either. Believe me.” 

He sat down in front of the small coffee table and began sorting the drugs into what he called his single serving baggies and lined them up on a platter. As soon as he was done, Sicheng handed him a wad of cash for him to pocket. Johnny was the son of the chief financial officer. He had a world of possibilities ahead of him and plenty of money to fund any one his hobbies. However, he found a thrill in dealing. He never used but he enjoyed the rush of possibly getting caught. He had gone to jail a few times for his side job, but his daddy always bailed him out. The arrests should have discouraged him but instead, it just pushed him farther. He was now dealing to people outside of the social circle and even his father’s own coworkers. He had become the primary dealer for the upper class and he thrived with his own source of income.

Doyoung and Taeyong showed up next. They were stoic and cold and not much for socializing. They preferred to stay in the corner with Sicheng while the rest of the group chose to make fools out of themselves. They were the sons of the two CEOs. Neither of them had any interest in you, but you had managed to seduce their older brothers. It was a compromise you were okay with settling for. They gave a small nod in your direction before making their way over to the host of the party. 

This was the group of early birds. 

It wasn’t until over an hour later that everyone really began showing up, as predicted. You gave polite smiles to each guest, making conversation as long as you had to before they got bored and walked away. 

Soon enough the group’s newbie, Juwon, was walking in, heading straight for where you were sitting. You forced yet another smile as she sat down next to you. Martini already in hand, she took a sip before setting the glass on the table. “Hey, have you heard about the new guy?”

You nodded. Juwon had a habit of thinking that she was the first to hear all the news and liked to spread it like wildfire. It wouldn’t matter the response you gave, she would give you all the information she dug up in a single breath. All of it would be old news to you but you didn’t really have the heart to embarrass her. She was trying just a little too hard and it was pathetic enough as it was. You didn’t have the energy to deal with whatever pity party she would throw herself afterward.

Your eyes scanned the crowd as Juwon filled you in on all the basics of Yuta. Her father wasn’t even important enough to be invited to the Nakamoto’s housewarming party but she still thought that the information was new and fresh. You resisted the urge to roll your eyes in annoyance. Eventually, she changed the subject to something you would rather not talk about. Unfortunately, your selective hearing picked up on the infamous name.

“Do you know Jung Jaehyun?”

“Yes, I know Jaehyun. I know everyone. Why are you asking?” You tried not to sound bitter. Hearing your ex-boyfriend’s name still didn’t bring forth the most positive reaction even though you had broken up a year ago.   
She gave a small smirk before taking another sip of her martini. “We slept together not too long ago and I was impressed. I just didn’t know if he was the type to date or not.”

You swallowed the bile building in your throat. You had no intention of ever getting back together with him but knowing he was hooking up with girls still hurt. Call it a double standard considering you couldn’t go a week without sex, but you didn’t think Jaehyun was that type of person. When you first met him, he was fresh-faced and optimistic about his future. He had only slept with one other person before you and he treated sex as something that was important. You didn’t sleep together until three months of seeing each other. To now hear that he was having one night stands, especially with people like Juwon, just didn’t sit right. You wished Yuta wasn’t coming because you needed at least eight shots after hearing the girl’s confession.

“He used to date, but I don’t know if he does anymore. I’m not exactly close to him.”

She sunk back against the couch. “Bummer. I was hoping to see him here but he hasn’t walked in yet.”

“He’ll never be invited to a party of Sicheng’s.” You explained curtly.

“Why? Aren’t all the company’s kids friends?” She was so naive as to think anyone here actually liked each other. There’s no way she could have already been around for three months and not figure out that this was just the only place everyone could hang out and not feel like they were being used for their money. You had to remind yourself that she wouldn’t know considering she was a leech in her own right.

You scoffed. “Not when someone is a major asshole and cheats on the person the host just so happens to be best friends with.”

“Okay...” She drew out the last syllable. “I do not know what you’re talking about anymore. Let’s just drop it.”

You pulled another cigarette out of your bag. “Good plan.”

You would quit smoking eventually. Maybe when you were actually happy with your life you would leave the cancerous sticks behind. Right now though, you needed the nicotine in your lungs. You couldn’t have anything stronger so this was the best you could do. It was a temporary distraction from the unpleasant company and the even more unpleasant feeling growing in your stomach. 

Why did he still hold so much power over you? He cheated on you. He didn’t deserve any more of your time. You broke up with him as soon as you found out, but somehow it still followed you. You never got a chance to ask him why he did it. Maybe if you saw him again you would. You were convinced that he was the one for you. Yes, you were young and simple but you trusted him. You knew now that trusting him was your biggest mistake. You brushed warning signs under the rug as soon as they appeared. You ignored the doubt you carried in you for months. To find out he was sleeping with someone the entire time you were questioning your relationship created mixed feelings. You knew the whole time yet you were stupid enough to not question it. Never again would you let someone control your emotions like that.

A voice pulled you out of your thoughts and you turned towards its source.

“There’s the new guy I was telling you about.” Juwon nodded towards the door before taking a sip of her martini. “He’s kinda hot.”

You dismissed his comment about his appearance not wanting to entertain the girl’s lust. Instead, you staked your claim. “I talked to him at the party yesterday. He’s alright.” Yuta caught your eye, a smirk instantly gracing his lips as he walked over to you. His eyes trailed to your legs and you became aware of just how high the hemline of your dress had slipped up. You fought the urge to tug at it and instead readjusted yourself on the couch in hopes of the fabric somehow covering you more. 

“___, it’s a pleasure to see you again.” He greeted. You could tell Juwon was annoyed that he didn’t acknowledge her. You tried not to get too excited by the fact that he only wanted to talk to you. This wasn’t middle school.

“You’re a lot less fuzzy this time.” You joked before squinting at him. “I think the beer goggles wore off, though.”

He clutched his chest pretending to be hurt. “I’ll somehow have to live with dropping from a 10 to a 9.5.”

You felt Juwon’s eyes on you as you laughed at him. She had seen you flirt before and brushed it off, but you were unable to read her expression now. Maybe it was because even she knew that this time was different. You pushed the thought to the back of your head and chose to ignore it. 

He smiled at you. “Walk with me. I want to know what you’re like when you’re sober.” 

You accepted his outstretched hand while Juwon gawked in your direction. You had avoided drinking so far tonight as to make sure your judgment wouldn’t be clouded around Yuta. Last night the flutes of champagne forced down a few of the walls you kept up for a reason. 

The two of you weaved your way through the crowd of overprivileged kids and out to the back yard. Yuta took off his suit jacket before draping it around your shoulders and you ignored the way your heart skipped at the kind gesture. Any guy would have done that for you. It’s one of the most basic rules in etiquette to offer your jacket to the girl and every man inside was a gentleman. Yuta was no different from anyone else. If you kept telling yourself that, you would eventually believe it

“So, these are your friends?” He asked, nodding back to the room full of people as the two of you walked further away from the commotion.

“Loose term. I’m really only friends with the guy who owns this house.”

“What about the girl you were sitting next to?”

“She’s nice.” It wasn’t a lie. She was very nice objectively. She always had a smile on her face and made easy conversation with anyone in the room. But something about every interaction felt off. Her father worked his way up through the company as opposed to inheriting his position from a parent. She had the least amount of money in the circle. It wasn’t that you cared, because the fact of the matter is, everyone had more money than they knew what to do with. You always had a suspicion that she cared though. She latched herself onto to most stable members of the group and refused to associate with anyone that wasn’t the son or daughter of a VP. You never knew if she actually liked you or if you were just a rung on the social ladder and she needed a way up. 

Yuta looked at you. “You don’t like her.” It wasn’t a question, but more so an acknowledgment.

You shook your head. “I never said that. I just don’t trust her.”

“Do you trust anyone?” He led you to the pool before stopping in front of it and turning to you.

The answer was no, you didn’t. Even with Sicheng, you still had your walls that kept some things private. “Didn’t know this get to know me session would include such hard-hitting questions. You tell me first. Do you trust anyone?”

“No. And you shouldn’t either.” He answered without hesitation. “The only way to truly get what you want in life is by relying on no one but yourself. Trust implies a partnership, some sort of trade-off. The more I trust in others, the more my own opinion is swayed by their beliefs. At that point, am I going to have what I want or will I have something that someone else has imposed upon me?”

The ideas weren’t far from your own but you had always told yourself that maybe eventually you would trust someone. “So, what? You believe in full independence? Do you plan on not getting married? You can’t love someone without trust.”

“I can trust our relationship without trusting her completely.” He said looking at you, studying your face in order to gauge your reaction.

“Seems naive.” You did your best to keep your face flat.

“I think it seems smart. Do you know how hard it will be for either of us to find someone who actually likes us for us? We have too much money for that.”

You shrugged. “I just planned on marrying someone else who had money. I’m sure to anyone else, I look like a spoiled brat.”

“Don’t lower yourself to them. None of the men in there have any sort of personality. You deserve more than that.”

You looked at him, not knowing how to accept the compliment. You were always confident in yourself, but no one had ever really encouraged you. Especially not so nonchalantly. He seemed genuine in a way that made you want to trust him. Everything he had said earlier about trust was right, yet against better judgment, you wanted to go against everything you believed in. Not even thirty minutes ago, when Juwon mentioned Jaehyun, you had been reminded of why you didn’t trust people in the first place. Now, with Yuta beside you, you wanted to know more about him while also telling him about yourself. You wanted his insight to your hopes and dreams, even your deepest thoughts. You knew from the second you met him, intoxication aside, this boy could ruin you.

Even drunk, your first impressions were usually right.

When you didn’t answer him, Yuta took the opportunity to change the subject. “How are you feeling? You definitely had your fair share of champagne last night.”

You moved to sit down in one of the chairs by the pool, pulling the jacket closer around you. “I feel alright. I’ve had plenty of hangovers. I can survive them. I would ask you how you are but you had significantly less than I did.”

“If it were any night but my parent’s first party, I would have been drinking along with you.”

You laughed. “You couldn’t keep up.”

“I could outdrink you no problem, princess, trust me.” His voice was much lower than it was before, tone playful but dangerously flirtatious. 

No one had called you princess since you were five. You wanted so badly to hate the way it sounded as the name slipped past his lips but instead it drew you in. It was mischievous on his tongue and paired with the way his mouth crooked to one side, it was enough to get drunk off of in your completely sober state. The attraction to him was undeniable without the added flirting. The way his hand found your knee as it drew small circles on the inside of your thigh was already causing a deep urge to move closer to him or gently ease his hand higher.

Usually, when you slept with someone, it was a quick fuck. A solution to boredom. With Yuta, just like everything else with the boy so far, it was already different. You actually wanted to know what his body felt like when it was flush with yours. You wondered what his lips felt like pressed up against your mouth, your neck, your-

Before your thoughts could wander too far, Yuta’s voice pulled you back to reality. “Want to go for a swim?”

“I’m sorry, what?” You blinked a few times trying to clear your mind and focus on the boy in front of you. 

“The pool. Do you want to get in?”

“I thought you said you wanted to get to know me sober. You’d have to get me drunk for that. It’s cold outside.” The end of September wasn’t exactly the perfect time to go swimming. You could barely even be outside in what you were wearing.

“The pool’s heated. There’s no way it isn’t. What’s your next excuse?”

“My dress is white.” Gesturing to your dress, you looked at him with brows raised. Getting in the pool would mean leaving literally nothing to the imagination.

Yuta stood up, pushing his jacket from your shoulders. “With the way you were looking at me a second ago, I feel like I would be seeing whatever is underneath it anyway.”

You shook your head, trying not to laugh as you bit your lip. “Okay, you know what? Fine. But, you can’t watch when I jump in. This dress is short and I didn’t come here to give you some sort of peep show.”

He nodded while trying to keep a straight face. “Deal.”

“And! You have to go first since it was your idea. Then you can tell me if the pool really is heated or not.”

He rolled his eyes but agreed anyway. “Okay, fine.”

The two of you took off your shoes and you let out a sigh of relief as your feet went flat against the cold concrete. Heels were miserable, but you refused to wear anything but because of the way your legs looked with them on. Appearances had to be your priority at parties like this.

You stuck your arm out, gesturing towards the pool. “Take the lead.”

He took off running, before diving into the deep end. His head reemerged at the other side of the pool. He brushed his hair out of his face but really seemed to be in no rush to get out, leading you to believe that the water felt fine. “Okay, princess. I tested the water for you. Get in.”

You dragged your toe through the water and it felt relatively warm. It had to be better than the chill air of fall. Taking a deep breath, you dived into the pool, cutting through the water and making your way towards Yuta. Instead of swimming all the way to the shallow end, you stopped just soon enough to where you could comfortably stand with your head above water. Not only would it now feel colder outside, but everything you were wearing had become transparent and you just weren’t in the mood to give the whole party a special viewing, no matter how many of them had seen it all before. 

Yuta waded over to you, smiling as he slipped an arm around your waist and pulled you into him. “I told you it wasn’t that bad.”

“Don’t get too confident. You caught me at a good time because it is about two hours into this party and I’m still sober. I was just about dying of boredom.” You tease. 

Yuta slowly moved his face closer to yours. “I would hate to think my company bored you.”

“I’m sure you can make up for it.”

When he pressed his lips to yours, you expected it to be sloppy and over controlling. Usually, when a guy put up the confident front, he was never as good as he thought he was. Yuta instead was slow and attentive. His hand slipped to the back of your neck as he carefully picked up the intensity. His lips moved with yours in a way that wasn’t too aggressive but still maintained the dominance he so clearly wanted. His other hand remained on your back, rubbing in languid circles over the soaked fabric. 

His tongue slid across your bottom lip and you allowed him access. While he moved his tongue with yours, he moved his hand from your neck down to your chest, stopping to massage your breast through the now see-through fabric. You let out a small gasp when his thumb brushed across your nipple just for him to give it a light pinch. He gave a satisfied smile before kissing you again.

It wasn’t long before his lips trailed from your jaw to your neck where he began sucking lightly. The hand that was previously on your back had traveled to the back of your thigh, where he lifted your leg to hitch it around his hip. His other hand had moved between your legs, where he began rubbing small circles over your clothed clit.

As if suddenly reminded where you were, you wrapped a hand around his wrist, stopping his small ministrations. “Yuta, literally anyone could see us right now.”

His kisses across the expanse of your neck continued. “I will stop if you want me to, but tell me you wouldn’t love for all your friends to see you getting fucked senseless by only my fingers when their boyfriends can’t ever finish them.” The confidence in his tone sent a shiver down your back and you slowly released the grip on his wrist. Noticing you apprehension, he tilted your chin to look you in the eye. “Do you want me to keep going? I need a solid yes or no.”

“Yes,” you answered, finally letting go of his wrist completely. Wrapping your hands around his neck, you pulled his lips to yours again. His fingers resumed rubbing against you before one nimbly pushed your panties to the side. You gripped the hair at the base of his neck as he gently pushed a finger past your entrance, pulsing slowly against your walls as his thumb continued working on your clit. Leaning into the crook of his neck, you bit down on the muscle of his shoulder, tasting the salt from the pool on his skin. He slid further in and pushed harder against the very spot that made you moan uncontrollably. 

Yuta pulled your face back towards him so he could kiss you once more, lips swallowing your praises as they poured out. You couldn’t help but clench around him as he pushed another finger between your folds.

“I would fuck you right here if I could.”

“What’s stopping you?” You asked. You were already thinking about how his cock would feel inside you as he thrust into you. The idea of having him now was beyond tempting and it didn’t matter to you that you were in the middle of your best friends pool with no form of protection. You wanted to finish on his dick and it would be hard to settle for anything but that with the way your head was spinning from want.

“Knowing I could do it better somewhere else.” He whispered, biting your ear before moving to suck on a spot directly below it.

You groaned, clawing at his back as his thumb picked up pace working at your clit, drawing you closer and closer to the edge. “Don’t tease.”

“I’m not teasing.” He stopped momentarily, looking in your eyes so intensely that it was hard not to look away. “I have no problem finishing you here just to take you through that house to the first private room I can find and fuck you so hard you can’t walk.” 

It was enough of an answer for you. You nodded and encouraged him to continue, not having appreciated him stopping when you were so close to finishing. 

His fingers resumed their previous pace, quickly getting you back to your point of climax. Your head fell back and moans escaped your lips while Yuta pulled you closer to him. He slowed down, carefully allowing you to ride out your orgasm before slipping his fingers out and fixing your dress the best he could underwater.

He started to pull away from you when you reached down to grasp at him. You could feel him straining against the fabric of his pants. His hand reached out to stop you despite the want dripping from the groan that was leaving his mouth. He used your wrist to pull you back to him. “Save it for when we get inside. I’m getting impatient.”

He made his way to the steps at the side of the pool, stopping in front of you so you could adjust your dress fully before getting out. It was pointless with the way the fabric clung to your skin and revealed every inch of your body, but you did your best anyway.   
When you were done pulling your dress down, you looked up to find Yuta’s eyes raking over your body. “Absolutely stunning.” 

He pulled your hand up to his lips, kissing your knuckles before leading you out of the pool. Yuta grabbed his jacket off of one of the chairs, throwing it around your shoulders and pulling it closed. It covered almost all of what your dress no longer could and you were thankful for its warmth now that the two of you were back in the fall breeze. 

You walked back into the party laughing and dripping all over the exquisite marble floors.  Sicheng shot you a glance as the two of you walked toward the rooms in the back of the house. Yuta pulled you through the hallway before stopping momentarily. 

“So. I don’t know my way around this place.”

You laughed. “It’s fine. My room is just right up here.”

“I thought you said this was your best friend’s house.” He asked suspiciously but you could tell he was joking by the way he was squinting at you.

“It is.” You told him. “But his parents aren’t exactly keen on us sharing a room.”

He pulled you towards him, kissing you briefly. “Lead the way then, princess.”

When you finally reached your door, you leaned up against it, stumbling over your heels slightly when you opened it. Turning around, you found that someone was already using your bedroom. A bare back was above a girl you couldn’t quite make out in the dark. “Oh, sorry. I just-”

The man turned his head slightly and it was enough to figure out not only who he was, but who the girl underneath him was too. Yuta came up behind you, hand resting on your back. “Looks like someone beat us to it.”

“Jaehyun?” You stared in shock at the way he was positioned over Juwon. Sicheng never invited him to his parties. It was the one place you didn’t have to worry about seeing him. Now he was in a bed that he knew was yours with a girl that you couldn’t stand to be around.

He spoke in small stutters. “___, I forgot this was your room. I-”

“Like hell you did.” You interrupted, slamming the door behind you. Your heart felt as if it was beating out of your chest. A year. You had managed to avoid Jaehyun for a year. Now here he was in your room on the bed that you sleep in about to fuck someone else. You walked away before finding an empty room and leaning your head against the wall immediately inside. Yuta came in behind you, closing the door quietly.

“You okay?” he asked softly, hand trailing up and down your arm.

You nodded. “I’m just wet and cold and I have no way of getting a change of clothes because some asshole decided that was his hookup spot. He’s not even supposed to be here.” You went to reach for your phone before remembering you left it in your clutch in the living room. You knew that Sicheng wasn’t the one who invited him but you wanted to know if he knew who did. Putting all your money on Juwon was a pretty safe bet. 

Yuta’s eyes traced over your face, trying to read your expression. “Some asshole, huh? Nothing more to it?”

“What? You want me to tell you he was my ex that cheated on me with my best friend’s girlfriend? Oh and maybe that I just can’t seem to get my emotions in check even though it’s been a year?”

“I mean all that information does help me better understand the situation.”

“He knew that was my room. And for that matter, so did she.”

“Who? The girl you were sitting with?”

“Yes. I just can’t believe…” You trailed off. “Actually, I can believe it. She throws herself at whoever has the most money. Smart of her to pick the Executive VP’s son who will probably have a high starting position.”

Yuta’s hand fell from your arm. “You’re shivering. Let me go find Sicheng.”

You wanted to stop him. It felt like last night all over again. Yuta’s eyes filled with a sympathy you didn’t want. Now, he was going to get the last person you wanted to see you like this. Sicheng spent months reminding you that Jaehyun was in the wrong while self-deprecation ate you alive. To have him know that this was still bothering was more upsetting than the whole situation.

“Where is he?” Sicheng asked, barging into the room and walking straight towards you. You moved to sit in a chair nearby, not even caring that you were wet anymore. “My room. Honestly, I just need to change.”

“No. I want him out of my house. I don’t take kindly to liars and you and I both know that.” The girl Jaehyun was sleeping with behind your back just so happened to be Sooyoung, Sicheng’s girlfriend at the time. They had gotten to know each other through double dates and the rest went on from there. When both relationships ended, they tried to continue seeing each other. The difference was that Sooyoung was so wrought with guilt that she plead for both you and Sicheng’s forgiveness while Jaehyun was nowhere to be found. Her family was transferred back to the Korean branch just weeks later and you had no doubt it had something to do with Sicheng’s father’s influence. 

You heard screaming between the two boys just moments later as you sat with Yuta, his thumb rubbing back and forth over your knuckles.

“Why don’t we go after this, yeah? We can go back to my place and you can just be away from this.”

“Yuta, no offense, but I’m not really in the mood to sleep with you anymore.” You laughed bitterly. 

“I’m not trying to sleep with you. I’m trying to get you out of a situation you’re clearly unhappy in.”

You sat for a second before looking at him and sighing. “I don’t know if I could leave Sicheng. Jaehyun hurt him, too. He’s not exactly happy right now.”

“I saw those two guys hanging around him. The CEOs’ sons? He’ll be fine.”

You nodded. “Okay. I just need to get out of this dress.”

“I’ll go grab some dry clothes, okay? Just stay here.”

This had to be a new low. At least you weren’t crying. Above all the emotions you were feeling at the moment, you just felt tired. Tired of being stuck in an endless loop of parties with people you didn’t like. Tired of being forced down a path you had no interest in. Tired of having to run to a home that wasn’t yours every time something went wrong. You were exhausted in every sense of the word.

You realize now that your pull to Yuta had little to do with him. You weren’t one to get attached easily. Sure, so far he was a smooth talker that was undeniably attractive. He paid attention to you and actually seemed to care about you as a person instead of a body for his pleasure. No, it was that he was different. Yuta was a flash of color in a world of greyscale monotony. He somehow broke the endless cycle of hookup and leave. You wanted to hate him for it. You wanted to walk away and not speak to him again for seeing you so vulnerable two nights in a row. 

This wasn’t who you were. You showed your emotions only in the privacy of your own room. You had a cold, rock-solid front that you put up. Most of the time, even Sicheng wasn’t able to see through it. You remained unaffected by the world around you. You have known Yuta for two nights and have already been reduced to a mess. All your insecurities were out for him to see. Just tonight he said he didn’t trust anyone and never would and you agreed with him. You knew he was right. Yet, here you were laying all your cards out on the table without even a second thought. 

Disappointment flooded through you as you looked at yourself: dress soaking wet, makeup probably running down your face, hair in tangles from the pool. You were the embodiment of a disaster. You could not leave this room until you managed to pull yourself together. If you were smart, you would tell Yuta to take you home when he came back. The prison of your house with your stoic parents just didn’t seem welcoming anymore. That place was no longer your refuge like it was when you were a child. It’s walls closed in around you and forced you to behave a certain way, talk about certain things. Going home meant hearing your father talk about making your schedule for next semester. It meant once again having the argument over your career choice. Your mother didn’t even stand by you anymore. Like a coward, she would side with your father, telling you to be realistic about your future. You wanted to tell her that her compliance wouldn’t make your father faithful. She would still be left neglected and unloved. The only reason you didn’t was because you didn’t want her to be as unhappy as you were. Unfortunately, you and your mother were more similar than you liked to admit. She was better than you, though. She had one thing that you lost a long time ago. Hope.

She always hopes that her husband will come home on time. She always hopes that you’ll bet more than what she’s become. For a while, you thought it to be naive, but now you only had admiration for her. She remained positive when it seemed as if the world was against her. The second things stopped going your way and your father stopped treating you like God’s gift to this earth, you gave up. You had a nasty habit of finding your importance in the way others treated you. It was the reason why when Jaehyun came along, you fell in deep. You were once again being treated like you mattered instead of being passed off onto a nanny that only worked because of how much she was paid. You felt loved again. When he cheated on you, you never asked him what the reason was because you already knew it was you. How could someone like you be enough for someone like him? 

You slid out of the chair, resting your head against the cushion once you hit the floor. You needed to collect yourself before Yuta came back. 

As if on cue, Yuta walked through the door. He also had managed to change. He was in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt while he held some of your clothes. “I would have been back sooner, but Sicheng insisted I change, too.”

“It’s okay. I needed some time by myself anyway.”

“Want me to take you home instead?”

You shook your head, standing up to grab the clothes from him. “Let’s just get out of here.”

You threw on your leggings and a giant college t-shirt before slipping on a pair of trainers. The dress laid crumpled on the tile floor but you didn’t have the energy to deal with it or your haphazardly discarded shoes. Looking in the mirror, you saw exactly what you thought you would see. A shell of your former self. Your strong persona was broken down in just twenty-four hours and you couldn’t help but laugh. You took a washcloth and wiped off your remaining makeup, leaving you barefaced in public for the first time in you didn’t know how long. It was weird to see the freckles and blemishes dotted across your skin. You were looking at you. This whole night you were upset because the person you made for yourself had faded away. For the first time, you realized that the reason everyone believed the front you put forth was because you had started to believe it yourself. You had lost who you were in a mess of repressed emotions and memories. You hid behind anything you could find. It was only a matter of time before this all came caving in. Yuta was just a catalyst. 

You brushed your hair before pulling it away from your face. Yuta came to lean on the frame of the bathroom door, watching as your brushed through the remaining knots in your ponytail. His eyes watched your movements and you were thankful he wasn’t trying to start a conversation. You found comfort in the quiet. Really, you found comfort with him as much as you hated to admit it.

“Do you want something to eat?”

You looked at him brows furrowed. “Like what?”

“Burgers.”

You stood for a second. You genuinely couldn’t remember the last time you had burgers. Your chef cooked for you most of the time and when you ate out, you went to places that charged too much for what they were giving you. “If I throw up, I’m sorry.”   
Yuta laughed at you, holding out his arm. “You won’t throw up, I promise.”

You ducked into his side and he wrapped his arm around your shoulder while you slid your arm behind his back. It felt so comfortable like this and it was hard to remember that you had just met him last night. 

Walking into the diner, you could practically feel the grease on your skin. All the tables around you looked like they hadn’t been repaired since the ’50s. The booths were torn and revealed the inside stuffing. Parts of the menu were faded to the point that you couldn’t read it, but none of it mattered. This was the most at home you had felt in your entire life. You looked like you had just rolled out of bed and you were with a boy you barely knew. It was freeing. There were no expectations for you here and you felt like for once, you could breathe.

Yuta ordered for the both of you as you picked at one of the holes on the cushion. Your mind was still racing from everything that happened tonight. You thought getting out of there would make it better, but now you were able to think with your only distraction being Yuta.

“Can I ask you something?”

You nodded. What did you have to lose?

“What happened between you two?”

You took a deep breath before starting an explanation you weren’t sure if you should give. This was a burden you had kept to yourself since it had happened and no you were going to willingly give the information to someone you barely knew. “We dated and then he cheated on me with Sicheng’s girlfriend. It would have been different if he just slept with her once or twice, but they had a whole relationship on the side. To me, it was just kind of like, why didn’t you break up with me? If you loved her, just end it.”

“That was really shitty of him to drag you along like that.” He acknowledged. You wanted to tell him that he was stating the obvious but what else was he supposed to say in response. 

You kept going for a reason unbeknownst to you. The break up was one thing but being honest about why you cared so much was another. “I think it hurt as much as it did because I’m terrified of becoming my mom. She married my father and now he’s definitely having an affair with his secretary. She can’t do anything about it because if she left him, she would have nothing. I don’t want to fall in love with someone just to be carted around and shown off while my husband is seeing someone else. I don’t like it for my mom and it’s the last thing I want for myself.”

“Then why were you planning on dating inside the circle?” 

“Not in the circle. Just someone else with money. But, I feel like I may be able to find someone genuine if I didn’t. I’m just scared I’ll never be seen for anything more than spoiled.” You admitted. “I truly believe that the ones who care the most about money are the ones who sit around hoarding it. It may be stupid and privileged to say, but I can’t help but feel like there’s more than this.”

He looked at you for a moment. “I think you’re right. At least about there being more out there.”

“It’s fine. I just want to be able to take classes I actually care about and make it on my own so I don’t have to rely on my father anymore.”

“You’re interested in sculpting right?” You had probably told him that in your drunken rant about your father. 

“Or any art really. I had to take art appreciation to fulfill some credit for architecture and I actually did end up appreciating art.”

He nodded right as the waitress came back and set down your food. It was a mountain of grease and you had no idea how you were going to stomach this. The look on your face must have given you away because Yuta laughed at you. With his eyes screwed shut and his head tilted back, all you could do was stare at him, mouth slightly agape. 

“Yuta, wait, people eat this?”

“Millions of people every day. You won’t die, I promise.” His laugh slowly started to die down as he shoved a few fries into his mouth.

“Have you seriously never had a burger before?”

“No, I have.” It was at a rooftop restaurant and it was made out of premium beef, but you had definitely had a burger before.

Yuta shook his head. “I mean one that costs less than fifty dollars.”

“Oh.” You said quietly. “Then, no.”

“Your father that pretentious? Can’t even bother to eat the food of the commoners?” He asked sarcastically. You watched the way the ketchup and grease dripped from his burger and onto his plate and tried to hide your grimace.

“He said it wasn’t good so why waste my time.” You admitted. Never had you been to McDonald’s or Taco Bell. It just wasn’t something your father could bother to lower himself to. He claimed he didn’t have this much money to waste his time on a two dollar burger.

“___. This is prime drunk food.”

“We’re both sober.” You pointed out.

“Doesn’t matter.”

You picked up the burger and took a bit. It wasn’t exactly what you expected. The meat was chewy and the cheese tasted like plastic. The bun was completely soggy and the whole thing was overwhelmed by condiments. For some reason, you wanted to eat more. “Yuta, this is disgusting. Why am I enjoying this?”

He laughed again. The two of you finished eating while Yuta filled you in on all the things you had missed out on while your dad was too busy having a stick up his ass. You had never been to any sort of amusement park, never been to a college bar, never even driven your own car. Yuta wiped his fingers on his napkin before standing up and taking you by the hand. He pulled some cash out of his wallet, dropping it on the table before leading you out of the small restaurant. 

“Where are we going.” You asked, confused by the determined look on his face.

“I’m teaching you how to drive.”

Yuta took you out to the middle of nowhere with a long strip of road. He got out of the car, walking around to your side and opening your door before handing you the keys. To say you were terrified was an understatement. While it was the middle of the night and no one would travel down this road at this hour, you were learning how to drive in the dark. You asked if you could wait until sunrise but Yuta shook his head and began walking through the basics of driving. 

You turned the key and took a deep breath. The car came to life and you slowly eased it into drive. Following Yuta’s instructions, you pressed on the gas, lurching forward. His laugh filled your ears as you tried to figure out the sensitivity of the pedals. Thankfully, the road he had taken you to was just a straight strip. You wouldn’t have to worry about figuring out turns at this point so you took your time feeling out how to speed up and slow down in a way that didn’t jerk the two of you around. 

Yuta rolled the window down and you followed his lead once you came to a complete stop in the middle of the road. With all the windows rolled down, Yuta turned his music up before looking at you.

“Slam it.”

You looked at him, undoubtedly looking bewildered. “What?”

“Slam on the gas. Go as fast as you can.”

He didn’t look like he would take no for an answer so you eased on the gas before pushing it down farther, amazed by how quickly the speedometer was going up. The wind pulsed through the open window, whipping your hair in front of your face. You heard Yuta yell next to you as you continued to speed down what seemed to be an endless stretch of road. The freedom you felt from the diner just carried on here. You felt like a normal college kid who had a world full of possibilities. You felt invincible. 

Eventually, you eased off the gas and allowed the car to drift and slow itself down. Attempting to pull over to the side of the road, you braked and put the car in park. Brushing your fallen hair out of your face, you attempted to calm your pounding heart and adrenaline coursing through your veins. Driving made you feel like you had just an ounce of control over your life when you previously had none. So much of your life was restricted by having a driver that was in constant contact with your father. Not a single thing in your life was yours.

You rested your head against the back of the seat, you took a few deep breaths. You tilted your head to look at Yuta in the passenger seat.

“Next time, can you actually teach me how to drive?”

“Of course, princess.” He answered quietly, patting your hand before squeezing it. “Let’s get you home.”

“Can I still go to your place instead?”

He sucked in a breath between his teeth. “I don’t know. You may have to sleep in the future space room.”

“I’ve always wanted to be an astronaut.” You joked.

“A woman with ambition. I like it.”

You fell asleep by his side as he ran fingers through your hair. The comforter pulled to your chin as you nestled into the mattress. His chest was so close you could smell the lingering mahogany and leather scent of his cologne. He pressed a small kiss to your forehead as you closed your eyes, welcoming sleep in the early hours of the morning

When you woke up the next morning, you felt Yuta’s arm draped over your waist. You wanted to be excited to wake up next to him, but all you felt was dread. You had let him see a side of you that you never let anyone see. You trusted him so easily.

You eased yourself out of his bed, not wanting to wake him up. Making your way into his bathroom, you turned on the light and carefully shut the door behind you. When you looked in the mirror you didn’t even recognize yourself. Your hair was in a knot from not taking it down last night. The bags under your eyes were dark and your skin looked blotchy and uneven. Looking in the mirror before you really put on makeup was something you didn’t particularly care for. Flaws were looked down upon in your world so you did everything you could to cover them. Yuta had managed to see you with all walls down and you hated it.   
Was this what you wanted? To be weak? You knew better than anyone that you would get eaten alive if you genuinely let your feelings show. Now that your rush of emotions had subsided, you were reminded why you had become the way you did. The last time you were vulnerable like this was when you got involved with Jaehyun. You looked at Yuta laying on the bed in the room next door. How did you know he wasn’t just like him?

The most frustrating thing about all of it was that you knew he wasn’t like Jaehyun. Even in the prime of your relationship, he never treated you with even an ounce of the respect that Yuta gave you. Yuta seemed like he wanted you to be your own person. He took you out of the house when your world felt like it was crumbling. He gave you your first taste of genuine freedom. Despite the short time together, you actually felt cared for. The problem was you couldn’t trust anyone. Yuta said it himself.

You grabbed your phone and clutch from the nightstand before slipping on your shoes and sneaking out the door. It was two in the afternoon so surely Sicheng should be up as you dialed his number, it went to voicemail. You sighed, sending him a text before making your way outside and sitting on the steps. You didn’t want to call your driver. You knew he would just report your whereabouts back to your father. He would then get his hopes up about the socialite power couple and it just wasn’t worth your time. This was nothing more than a way to spend your weekend. 

“Trying to run away?” You turned to find Yuta leaning against one of the grand columns in the entrance. His sweats hung low on his hips and his hair was still tousled from his sleep. He hadn’t bothered to put a shirt on before coming out here, giving you a full view of his toned chest and abdomen.

You turned back to face the street before you let your planned lie spill out of your mouth. “No. I just needed a breath of fresh air.”

“With all your stuff?” He asked moving to sit next to you.

You opened the clutch and took out the pack of cigarettes. “Needed a smoke.”

“___, I know you wanted to leave. I’m not mad.”

“You’re not mad I tried to sneak out on you with no explanation?” You asked dryly. If you were in his position, you would at least be a little hurt. 

“You don’t trust people and I don’t expect to be an exception to your rule.”

You peered at him sideways, not knowing what to say. Thankfully, Sicheng called you and saved you from giving a response. You answered the call quickly before pressing the phone to your ear. “Hello?”

“Need me to pick you up?” Sicheng asked before you got the chance to.

“How’d you know?” You teased.

He hummed from his side of the line. “Maybe because you left with Nakamoto and never came back. Also, you texted me.”

“Just take me home. I have homework to do.” You avoided the answers you knew he was searching for. Talking about whatever happened with Yuta would make this thing real and you weren’t ready for that.

“My little ___ being responsible. I never thought the day would come.”

You let out an exasperated huff. “Are you coming or not?”   
“On my way, your highness.”

You hung up and Yuta stood up, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of your head. “I’ll see you around, ___. I left my number in your clutch in case you ever wanted it.”

You watched him walk inside before going through your stuff. You found a slip of paper folded at the bottom with a small  _ if you ever need anything  _ followed by his number. Hating the way your heart jumped, you typed the number into your phone before crumbling the paper. You would probably never use it unless you wanted a brief hookup, but you might as well add it to your contacts so you didn’t feel obligated to keep up with the small piece of paper. 

When Sicheng picked you up, he didn’t ask questions. He didn’t mention what happened after you left. To be honest, he didn’t really talk at all. Maybe he could tell you didn’t want to. He dropped you off at your house without speaking more than ten words. He saw you on the front steps of Yuta’s house alone and probably made his own assumptions about what happened last night.

You forced yourself to do all the homework you could think of just to distract yourself from the intrusive thoughts about Yuta. You didn’t have feelings for him because you couldn’t. You knew what happened when you fell for someone in your own circle. Everyone was the same and you would be foolish to think that just because he just got here, he wouldn’t be tainted just like everyone else. It was only a matter of time before he too turned into someone you hated.

The next morning, you went to class like normal. You had all of your homework done for the next two weeks so you could just sit in your lectures and attempt to take in the information you had no interest in. You were still in the process of taking your basics and you wanted to draw that process out as long as possible. The second you finished your required courses, you knew your father would take over and select all the architecture classes he dreamed of you being in. You needed to hold on to the ounce of control you had at the moment.

You checked your phone at the end of your eleven o’clock class. You didn’t really have time to go off campus for lunch and back, so you settled for heading down to one of the main dining areas. Sicheng had a class right now or you would just harass him and force him to hang out with you. Instead, you sat at a table picking at your salad while you tried to make your mind go blank.

“___?”

You froze upon hearing the voice. It didn’t matter that just a second ago you were wishing to have company. You would welcome solitary confinement with open arms if it meant avoiding him. Turning to face Jaehyun, you looked him dead in the eye. “What do you want?”

He pulled a chair out and sat next to you and you watched, rolling your eyes as he tried to appear concerned. “I want to apologize for Saturday night.”

“How did you even get in? Sicheng doesn’t let you into any of his parties.”

“Juwon called me.” He admitted. Leave it to the social climbing brat to call him when you already told her he wasn’t allowed over. She didn’t care about anything except for her and her father’s status. She would use Jaehyun just like she used everyone in the group and surely you weren’t the only one to see it.

“So, you had the audacity to come to the Sicheng’s even though you were cheating on me with his girlfriend behind our backs just a year ago.” You clarified. Maybe he needed a not so gentle reminder as to why he wasn’t welcome. “Then, you sleep with another girl in my bedroom?”

“I forgot it was your room.” He stammered weakly. It was a lie and it rolled off his tongue without an ounce of remorse. The only reason his voice faltered was because it was obvious you knew the truth. 

You laughed at his excuse. “I don’t buy that. Try something else.”

“___, just hear me out for one second.” He asked with forced desperation to his voice. You saw through all of it.

You gathered up your stuff, shoving it into your bag. “You don’t deserve the time I’ve already given you.”

“I miss you.”

You scoffed, unable to even look at him.

“I’m serious. I’ve been trying to call you but you haven’t answered.”

“I blocked you.” You explained. Ever since the two of you had broken up, you had blocked his number knowing that you were in a place where you were too weak to say no if he asked to have you back. It had worked because now that he was in front of you, you wanted nothing to do with him. The time and space had given you what you needed to move on.

“I’ve been sleeping with all these girls thinking that maybe one day I would find someone who would compare to you.” He said like you were supposed to be flattered. You knew that you were the best sex he would ever have but that wasn’t enough to build a relationship on. He’s saying one thing but what he means is that he misses sex with you. He doesn’t miss dating you.

“You don’t miss me. You miss Sooyoung. I’m just the second best option for you since her dad got transferred back to the Korean branch.” You couldn’t be a backup plan. You couldn’t get back together with him after all the hurt he caused. If he cheated once, he’ll cheat again. You meant nothing to him and you would prefer if he meant nothing to you as well.

“That’s not true.” He shook his head, brows furrowed. The sadness in his face couldn’t even reach his eyes. You were his best option as one of the other VPs’ daughters. For him to treat you like you were stupid was probably the most insulting part of this conversation. 

“Yes, it is. If you had even an ounce of respect for me, you would have the decency to not sit here and lie to my face.”

“___, please.” His pleading sounded like nails on a chalkboard. You couldn’t sit and listen to his pathetic, half-hearted attempt to win you back.

“Absolutely not. Now if you wouldn’t mind I would like if you left. If you don’t, I will.” When he didn’t move, you stood up and pulled your phone out of your pocket. Jaehyun sat in shock as you walked away from him. Despite the conversation being a nuisance, you honestly think it may have been what you needed. All Jaehyun cared about was appearances. You were better than that, better than him.

Pressing on Yuta’s number, you pressed the phone to your ear. He picked up surprisingly quickly. “Hello?”

“Hey. It’s ___. What are you doing?” You asked, walking out of the dining hall. The sunlight hit your face and you squinted as you walked through the courtyard.

“Long time no talk, princess. And I’m touring the university in town. I’m transferring after this semester so I thought I would at least figure the campus out before I got here.” He explained.

“Perfect. Where are you?”

“Um. It says the English building.”

“I’ll be there in a second.” He was right by where you were. You went ahead and walked in his direction. Before long you could see his standing in front of the grand arches, hands in his pockets as he admired the details. 

You walked up beside him and he threw his arm around your shoulder, pulling you into his side and kissing the top of your head. “Sure you don’t want to go into architecture? This looks like art to me.”

The building as a whole was a piece of functional art from the material used and the exquisite detail carved into the arches and pillars to the overall shape of the structure. If you were able to have to freedom of helping design buildings like this, you would consider it. However, your dad wanted commercial architecture and nothing else. He wanted you to be responsible for office buildings and towers in the city. Functionality was all that mattered to him.

Sighing, you allowed Yuta to pull you closer before beginning to walk. His arm fell from your shoulder and he moved to hold your hand instead. You wished you didn’t like it. All you wanted was to not feel at ease the second you were in his presence. You shouldn’t have called him, but now, here you were, walking beside him through campus. The sunlight glowed against his skin and you could see the remnants of a tan from the summer. The flecks of gold in his eyes shined in the autumn light. His chestnut hair was complemented by the bright colors of leaves all around you. He was beautiful and you couldn’t help but admire him.

“Can we go somewhere?” You ask.

He looked at you, lips turning upward. “Where to?”

You really had nowhere in mind when you asked, you just wanted to be off this campus and away from Jaehyun. Thoughts of your ex raced back into your mind and you could think about was doing anything to make you forget him.”Your house? You never finished showing me around.”

His small smile turned to a smirk as he realized your motives. The grip he had on your hand tightened as he led you out towards his car. As soon as he sat down in the driver’s seat, your hand was gripping his shirt and pulling him towards you as you crashed your lips to his. He tensed momentarily before relaxing, snaking his hand to the back of your neck and pulling you into him. There was only so close you could get with the small middle console acting as a barrier, but you didn’t care. His mouth moved against yours while he bit onto your lip just to sweep his tongue over the place his teeth were. The kiss was mind-numbingly messy and you weren’t thinking when you reached out to palm at his growing member from over his pants.

Yuta took in a sharp breath at the stimulation before grabbing your wrist. “Trust me, I’m a fan of exhibition, but the main parking lot at a public university may be a little too out in the open for me.”

“Drive and avoid traffic lights.” You told him.

He raised an eyebrow at you. “I don’t take lightly to being bossed around, princess.”

“And I don’t like being told no.”

He laughed, shaking his head as he pulled out of the parking spot and off towards the road. You moved your hand back to where it was, rubbing back and forth over his clothed cock, hoping to get him just a little bit harder. Yuta tried to suppress a groan but it slipped out of his throat just loud enough for you to hear.

You fumbled with the button on his pants before unzipping them and reaching in through the gap you had created. Turning to sit sideways, you now were able to edge his boxers down and free his cock. 

Leaning forward, you pressed your lips to his tip, tongue poking out to lick circles around the head. Yuta took a sharp breath and you couldn’t help but smile before sliding his dick farther into your mouth. You moved your tongue up and down on the shaft as you began to suck. Slowly beginning to bop your head up and down, you hollowed out your cheeks. Soon enough, you went down far enough to feel the tip at the back of your throat. You swallowed around him and Yuta dropped a hand from the steering wheel to weave it into your hair. His grip on you allowed for him to better control the pace you were going at, forcing you to go faster and moans spilled out of his lips.

You broke away momentarily, hands finding his shaft to pump slowly and your lips trailed up and down the expanse of his neck. You felt him swallow deeply beneath your kiss and allowed pride to swell through you.

It had always been your favorite thing to do; make men who were used to being in charge crumble underneath you. You loved hearing their moans knowing that you would be in control of when they finished. Having Yuta like this while he had to focus on driving gave you so much freedom as to what you wanted to do with him. 

You continued to press kisses down his neck before stopping at the base of his neck. You sucked lightly before taking the skin between your teeth and nipping it. Your hand continued its pumping motions and you felt Yuta tense underneath you. Taking the cue, you leaned back down to take his length into your mouth. You sucked harder than before and moved at a faster rate, trying not to gag as his tip hit the walls of your throat over and over again.

“Fuck, ___. I’m close.” He whispered, groaning as you took him farther.

You hummed in acknowledgment and you felt his tense in your mouth before he climaxed, cum hitting the back of your throat as you swallowed.

You eased off of him and he adjusted his pants, buttoning them before looking at you briefly. “Sit back in your chair and spread your legs.”

“What?”

“I told you that I don’t take lightly to being bossed around.” He said sternly. “Do what I tell you or I’ll make you as soon as we get to my house.”

The dominance made your thighs clench but you slowly opened your legs to him. You were currently wearing a denim skirt and Yuta smirked. “Lift it up.”

You obeyed immediately, moving the skirt in order to allow him access between your legs. His free hand nestled between your legs as he began rubbing slow circles over your clit. You rested your head against the seat behind you as shallow breaths slipped past your lips. He slowing picked up the pace before stopping altogether, making a turn. You noticed that you were in his neighborhood.

“Take off your panties.” His was voice low and husky.

You slid the now wet fabric off of you and dropped in onto the floorboard. He pulled into his driveway at the back of the house and put the car into park. 

“Come here.” He patted his lap and you climbed over the center console to get on top of him. There wasn’t a lot of room in the sports car but Yuta seemed to be enjoying the proximity as he crashed his lips to yours once again. He was a lot more languid and teasing now that he had taken control. His tongue would flick against yours before moving away completely, focusing on your jaw and neck. 

“I would have fucked you but you finished me before I could stop you.” He growled in your ear before nipping the skin underneath it. 

“Do you want me to apologize?” You teased him, running a hand through his hair. 

“No. It was the best I’ve ever had, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to feel you around me.” He said before capturing your lips with his again.

His fingers finally worked their way between your legs once more as he slipped a single digit past your slick folds. The pad of his fingers curled against your walls and you couldn’t help but arch your back in response. Yuta let out a low laugh against your lips as he continued his ministrations against your g spot. His thumb rubbed against your clit harder as he slipped a second finger in. The grip you had on his hair tighten as you pulled on the strands at the nape of his neck. 

“Yuta.” It was all you could manage to say before a moan slipped past your lips. You were on the edge and his fingers worked relentlessly inside you.

Yuta watched you as you threw your head back, orgasm washing over you. He slowed the pulsing of his fingers before pulling them from your core completely. He slipped the digits into his mouth, licking them clean. All you could do was watch as he drew his fingers back out of his mouth. “You look so beautiful.”

You laughed lightly, opening his door and easing off his lap. You reached over to grab your underwear from the floor but he slapped your hand away. “You can get them later.”

Rolling your eyes, you finished getting out of his car as you shifted your skirt back to where it goes. “I don’t normally get compliments  _ after _ a hookup.”

“So what you’re telling me is that they aren’t appreciating you enough.” He said flatly, getting out of the car and fixing his own pants. You started to walk away from him to head inside but he snaked his arm around your waist and pulled him into you so that your back was flush to his chest. “Answer me.”

“No. They’re not.” Why would someone appreciate you? You were just another one night stand to had to their list of conquests. You were a body to them, just like that’s all they were to you.

He brushed your hair away from your neck revealing the blooming bruises across your neck. He kissed each one lightly. “They don’t ever finish you either, do they?”

Your breath caught in your throat at his gentle touches. All you could do is shake your head in response.

Yuta let out a low laugh before turning you around to face him. “You deserve more than what you’ve been getting.” His thumb ran across your bottom lip. “I plan on showing you what you’ve been missing.”

He pressed his lips to yours once more and you whimpered at the delicate touch. Your legs felt unstable as he showered you with all this attention. When he broke away, he pressed a kiss to your nose before looking you in the eye, a smile gracing his lips. “Was I just a booty call?”

You laughed pushing him away from you. “No. I just didn’t want to be on campus anymore.”

He looked at you, brows furrowed. You hated the way he looked right now. Concern was evident on his face. “Something happen?”

“Not that you should be worried about. I can take care of myself.” You brushed him off. 

“I wasn’t asking to go be your knight in shining armor. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” He explained. Somehow the fact that he didn’t want to fix it for you made it worse. All he wanted to do was check on you. But why? You were just someone he was hooking up with.

“Why do you do that?” You asked.

“Do what?”

“Act like you care. Why don’t you just hook up with me and go?” You didn’t sign up for a heart to heart when you called him. All you wanted was a distraction.

He looked genuinely confused and it sent a pang through your chest. “Am I not allowed to care about you?”

You didn’t want him to care about you. If he cared about you, that opened up way too many possibilities for you to get hurt. You’ve opened up to him enough. “No. It just seems weird that you’re so invested in my life already when I just met you.”

“I would hardly say that asking if you were okay is being invested in your life.” He defended. 

“Just… Don’t ask questions, okay? I didn’t want to be at school anymore so I called you. You were a way out.” You snapped.

Yuta placed a hand over his chest and he walked over to the garage, entering the code into a keypad. “I’m flattered really. If that’s all it was then go ahead and find a way home.”

“Yuta, come on.” It was hardly your fault he read too much into this. You could do without all his dramatics.

“No. You got what you wanted from me. You don’t want me to care? Then I won’t.” He walked inside the garage and past the luxury cars that undoubtedly belonged to his father.

“At least take me home.” You shouted after him.

He waved you off before turning around, eyes narrow. “How many times do I have to tell you? I don’t like being told what to do.” He snapped, closing the garage door behind him and leaving you standing out in his driveway. 

 

The whole encounter turned into a pattern. You would make up at the next party and the spend the whole weekend together until he showed an ounce of interest for you outside of sex. The morning after, you would always run. You ran to him when you needed help and you ran away from him when you realized the dependence that was developing. No matter what happened though, you would end up back in his arms the very next weekend.

You knew it was because you were scared. It would be an understatement to say that feelings were developing for him quickly. Friday nights would be spent in his bed talking about things you had never shared with anyone. On a few occasions, you had even gotten him to open up to you in return. A bond was definitely forming and it was stronger than any you had before. Even Sicheng had caught on to the way your demeanor would change around Yuta. He never mentioned it, but he always watched the two of you through curious eyes. 

Nothing about Yuta was easy, but you were thankful. If things with him were easy, you would have probably begun dating him already. You needed the deep talks just to end in explosive fights. It was the only way that you could keep distance between you and the boy you had quickly become addicted to. 

Your biggest frustration with Yuta was that he was quick to speak against you. He would speak his mind without a filter and more often than not, you didn’t care for what he had to say. By the time he was done pointing out your flaws and using your insecurities against you, you felt like you could either scream and lash out at him or kick him out and not talk to anyone for a few days. Neither of those options would ever include admitting that maybe he was right.

The problem with Yuta was that no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t hate him. You could scream those words at the top of your lungs every time you saw him, but it wouldn’t make them true. You cared for him in a way you said you would never allow yourself to again. No matter what you felt, you would never admit that you loved him.

Whatever you and Yuta had was much deeper than anything you and Jaehyun had in your year of a pathetic relationship. Yuta listened without you asking him to. He provided a safe space and required no explanation from you. The day that you caught your father cheating on your mother yet again, you hid in Yuta’s room for a week. He provided comfort without understanding your pain and listened to your spiteful words without judgment. Your sanctuary was no longer a room in your best friend’s house but instead, it was in the form of a boy who was a part of a social circle you wanted to remove yourself from.

When you got the news of course registrations opening up for the new semester, you panicked. A friend that you had managed to make in class offered to drive you to Yuta’s house. It was how you ended up knocking on his front door one afternoon in the middle of November. He answered knowing it was you, face twisting into something you couldn’t put a finger on as he watched tears build in your eyes. He pulled you into his chest as you unleashed your sobs in the middle of his front porch. His hands stroked over your hair and he whispered comforts in your ear. You were weak and you hated it.

Yuta pulled away from you, using his thumbs to wipe away the remaining tears from your cheeks. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t want to tell you. You’ll just give me another lecture.”

“I’ll give you a lecture about turning down help when it’s right in front of you if you don’t tell me what’s going on.” He pressed farther.

You pulled away from him slightly, willing yourself to talk despite the embarrassment you felt for reacting the way you did. “I have to register for classes but I’m all out of basics to take so my advisor told me I have to pick a major.”

“Okay. What did you pick?”

“I picked architecture because my dad told me if I didn’t he would stop paying for my school. I would never qualify for any grants and I don’t have a single cent to my name.”

“Let’s go inside.” He grabbed your hand and lead you to his room where you sat in the middle of the floor. He sat across from you, leaning up against his bed. “This isn’t about architecture is it?”

You shook your head. “I have nothing, Yuta. Nothing of my own. You taught me how to drive and helped me get to the point where I can get my license just for my dad to refuse to buy me a car or give me the paperwork I need to take the test. He wants me to use his driver so he’ll know where I am at all times. I can’t go to certain things because if my dad doesn’t deem it appropriate, his driver won’t take me and no one can get past the gate to pick me up. He has been controlling my every move since I was born and I’m tired of it. My past wasn’t mine. My present isn’t mine. With the way things are going, my future won’t be mine either. My life is filled with choices that were made for me and relationships that I have to have because my father has done such a good job isolating me that the only friends I have are from his damn company.”

Yuta waited for you to continue and when you didn’t he spoke up. “What are you going to do?”

“I guess be a fucking architect. At least the curriculum has room for art classes as electives.” You sighed. “Say what you want to say.”

“If you have to be an architect, be one.” He said flatly, shoulders shrugging.

“What?”

“Be an architect.” He repeated himself. “Save up some money for yourself and then go back to school to do what you want.”

You sank against the wall. All of your solutions didn’t feel like solutions at all. “I hate this so much.”

“I know.” He acknowledged quietly. “I wish I could tell you what you want to hear.”

“When have you ever told me what I wanted to hear?” You asked him, genuinely looking for the answer.

“I don’t know. Maybe one time when I told you that Jaehyun wasn’t as handsome as me.”

“How does that have anything to do with me?”

“You upgraded,” Yuta smirked, reaching up to place his hands behind his head. You grabbed a pillow from a nearby chair and hit him with it. The second the cushion made contact with him, he grabbed it and ripped it out of your hands. Pulling you onto his lap, he kissed you gently. For just a second, you felt like maybe you could control your future.

 

When you signed up for classes, you got into all the necessary classes for architecture. As soon as you got your father’s approval for the schedule, you let out a sigh of relief. He didn’t notice the one art class that you had managed to slip in. It was a review of modern art but it was the only risk you were bold enough to take. 

Shortly after a month into the new semester, you stopped going to class. You wanted so badly to end up liking it so you could somehow convince yourself it was something you wanted. The measurements were painstakingly tedious and the models just about killed all your self-esteem. You wrote down all the necessary dates in your planner and only went to important classes. Studio was spent at home so you didn’t feel the eyes of others watching you piece together something that could only be described as a failure. You felt so defeated every time you had to present something new and it was so lackluster compared to the students who actually cared about what they were presenting.

After a particularly disappointing studio presentation, you came home and threw yourself onto your bed. Calling Yuta, you asked in the nicest way possible if he could stop by. You also swallowed your pride and slipped in an apology. The last time you had seen him, you had another fight about how he doesn’t understand you and never will. It was petty and cliche but you couldn’t find any other reason to be mad at him. Everything was a lie though because you knew Yuta knew you better than you knew yourself. The fact that he agreed to come see you after you tore him down the way you did was a miracle.

Yuta appeared in your doorway less than thirty minutes later, walking in and sitting at the edge of your bed. “You called?”

“I did. I was bored.” You replied, standing up from your chair to make your way over to him.

He pulled you in to stand between his legs, hands resting on your hips. “You’re always bored.”

“So?” You pouted slightly, forcing your bottom lip out. Yuta leaned up just enough to kiss you briskly.

“___, what do you do during the day?” He asked, face falling flat.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you’re never  _ doing anything _ .”

“I go to class sometimes.” You defended. You weren’t involved in any extracurriculars, but if you liked the class, you went.

“Classes for sculpture or classes for architecture?” 

“Neither.” You admitted. “I skip my classes for architecture usually and I was too scared to sign up for a sculpting class since my dad had to approve my schedule.”

“Do you sculpt at home? Do you have an art room I don’t know about?” He asked. You could already feel the long talk coming but you didn’t know what about. You weren’t really in the mood to be told you screwed up.

“Well, no.” You said quietly, scooting away from his hold on you. 

Yuta stayed where he was, watching as you backed away from him with unsurety written all over your face. “So you talk on and on about how sculpting and art is your passion but you do nothing but look at a few sculptures when you go to the museum? Doesn’t seem like you’re very passionate about it if you do nothing to work towards your so-called goal.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that you will amount to nothing if you don’t get your shit together.”

You looked at him, eyes wide while you tried to ignore the way your chest felt like it was caving in. No one had ever spoken to you in such a way. Even when he pointed out mistakes, he tended to have just a bit of tactfulness. His words got the point across without feeling like a dagger through your chest.

Yuta continued. “I’m serious. You will live off your daddy’s credit card and continue to do so until you get married. Then, you’ll live off your  _ husband’s _ money. You will not have a single thing going for you other than the fact that you’ll be a trophy wife to cart around while your husband cheats on you with someone actually interesting.”

Anger began coursing through your whole body and you felt your face heat up in a way that you weren’t proud of. Your temper was pushing you to the point of explosion. To use your exact fear against you in a way so brutal was low, even for the two of you. “You need to stop before you say something you regret.”

“I don’t regret any of this because you need to hear it. You tell me all the time that you don’t want to end up like your mother but with the path you’re walking, you’ll be just like her.”

He had taken something that you shared in a moment of weakness and thrown it in your face He exploited your insecurities in a way only he could and you despised him for it. “You’re a fucking asshole, Nakamoto.”

“Am I? Or am I just the only person in your whole life who’s willing to be honest with you?”

You shook your head and continued backing away from him. “You can be honest without being a dick.”

“What am I supposed to say? ‘Baby, I’m really worried about your future’?” He stood up, making you feel smaller than you already did. “No. You’ve been babied your whole life and look at how you’ve turned out. Unmotivated and directionless. You’re floating around in classes. Before me, you slept with guy after guy with no intention of actually pursuing a relationship. The only thing you have going for you right now is your relationship with me.”

Yuta had a talent for making you feel like you were worthless. He relentlessly pointed out your flaws and refused to stop until you felt so small that he could stomp on you. You wished you could brush it off, but he was too good at what he did. His words cut like knives and buried under your skin to the point that all you could think of was the venom that flowed so freely from his mouth. What hurt more than anything he has ever said was knowing it was the truth. You would be damned if you ever let him know that, though.

“You and I are nothing,” you spit. “Don’t flatter yourself.”

“Tell me anyone or anything you have in life that will benefit your future besides me?” He walked towards you, close enough that you could feel his breath on your skin. You tried to back up, but found that you were against a wall. You stared into his eyes to find nothing but calm. Yours undoubtedly held a fire that was quickly becoming out of control. Right now, your anger was useless against a man that had all the power. 

You found that you couldn’t think of anything to prove him wrong. He was right once again and it was possibly the most defeating thing you had ever experienced. You had your friends but right now you didn’t feel comfortable throwing their names out just to have Yuta prove to you that they don’t matter either. Plus the only friend you even had was Sicheng. You didn’t want to give him the gratification of being right about how fucked up your life was.

“Don’t think I won’t replace you. I could have anyone I wanted.” It was the only thing you could say but it was the truth. Any of the boys in your circle would be lucky to have you on their arm. You were of a high status and were a good fuck. The problem was that you didn’t want any of them and you never would. 

He pulled you towards him, arm tightening around your waist as he pushed your body flush to him. “You can try to replace me every day of your life, but you know that no one makes you feel the way I do.”

“I hate you.” It was your favorite thing to say nowadays and it made him laugh every time. This time was no different as you watched a slow smile grew on his face.

“You couldn’t hate me if you tried.” His lips found yours in an aggressive kiss and against all better judgment, you kissed him back. Yuta was infuriating in the most enticing way. He could light your skin on fire with his words just to turn around and put it out with his hands. All frustration managed to dissipate as soon as his lips found yours and you molded together. You hated him but the two of you were made for this. Yuta was right. No one could make you feel like he did. You weren’t even sure you wanted them to try. 

You kissed him back just as harshly hoping that it would convey what your words couldn’t.  Teeth clashed as he picked you up and dropped you on the bed, hand finding your throat. You moaned as his fingers tightened, closing off your airway. He releases just moments later just to pin your hands above your head. 

“Tell me you hate me again.” Yuta brought his face to the crook of your neck, sucking harshly at the juncture. 

“I hate you.” You said and he bit down. You yelped from the pain while Yuta snickered, continually moving your shirt to bite across the expanse of your shoulder. His hands fell from your wrists to lift your shirt over your head and remove your bra. Kisses and small nips continued down your chest until he reached your breast. His tongue ran light, teasing circles around your nipple as his other hand pinched the other hardening bud. You lifted your hips to rub against him and cause some sort of stimulation but he quickly moved away. Shaking his head lightly.

Your jeans were quickly unbuttoned and yanked down your legs with your panties following after. You reached for Yuta’s shirt and helped him out of it before he positioned himself back between your legs. With his skin pressed against yours, you felt ignited once again. Hatred being replaced by a burning desire as your hands ran over his back. He kissed you once more, lips moving against yours feverishly as one hand found your throat again and the other moved to rub at your clit. His finger moved in languid circles as his grip on your neck tightened. You wrapped a hand around his wrist, squeezing when you needed air again. Yuta would swallow your sighs and choked moans with his kisses, knowing that his rough treatment was something you enjoyed. This was a time for you to take out all frustrations while also gaining pleasure. 

You squeezed at his wrist lightly and he let up, sitting up to undo his belt and take off his jeans. He took a condom out of his pocket before sliding it down his length. You were thankful that for once he wasn’t in the mood to tease. He must have seen the excited look in your eyes because he moved down the bed and hooked a leg over his shoulder. You soon felt his breath on your clit before he leaned down and licked a stripe between your folds. He moved back to push his tongue past your entrance momentarily before replacing the wet muscle with two digits. You cursed from the sudden addition but your foul words slowly turned into moans as his lips latched onto your clit, sucking lightly. He ran his teeth gently over it before pressing his tongue to you. 

Just as you felt like you could reach your climax, Yuta moved away and began sucking harshly at your inner thighs, biting each area before moving on. By the time he had covered your inner thighs with what would become bruises, his mouth moved back to your clit. Fingers pushed into you and aggressively curled against your walls while you adjusted to the rough actions. Discomfort quickly turned to pleasure as you began to feel yourself clench around him. 

The second he felt your walls tighten, Yuta moved back up, positioning himself between your legs. His lips found your own once more and you could taste your essence on his tongue as it swept across your bottom lip. You granted him access and your tongues collided in what you knew would be a pointless battle for dominance. Yuta never let you win. He preferred to stay in control the whole time in order to decide just what he wanted to do with you.

You welcomed the pressure on your neck once more as his two fingers and his thumb pressed around your windpipe.  He eased into you while keeping his hand in place and a breathy moan escaped while you adjusted to him inside you. His thrusts gradually picked up speed as he alternated pressures on your throat, allowing you to breathe every now and then. 

With Yuta holding you in place by your throat, you were forced to take all of his powerful thrusts. Each time he moved into you, the tip of his cock grazed your most sensitive spot causing your back to arch. 

When he finally released his grip on your throat, it was to move his hand back down to your clit. Two fingers moved in circles at the rate of his thrusts. You didn’t care how loud you were or who could hear you as you moaned his name repeatedly. With the way his hips were meeting yours, you were convinced his name was all you could say.

Your climax washed over you, walls tightening around Yuta’s cock. Stars filled your vision as the wave of pleasure washed over you.

His head dropped to rest his forehead to your own. “Baby, you feel so good. I’m so close.”

His thrusts became sporadic and inconsistent as he approached his own high. Soon enough, his body was collapsing onto your own. The two of you breathed heavily as he slid out of you. You immediately felt empty without him but you would have been too sore to continue much longer. 

Yuta stood up from your bed, disposing the condom in the bathroom and making his way back to you. You climbed under your comforter and Yuta joined you, pulling your back to his chest.

After you had sat in silence for a few minutes, you turned to lay on your back, staring at the ceiling above you. “Yuta?”

He wrapped an arm around your waist, pressing a kiss your bare shoulder before humming in acknowledgment.

“I don’t think I’ve ever truly wanted anything.” Even as you said the statement, you knew it wasn’t true. You wanted him. Still, you hated the way your voice cracked at the end. You were never one to talk after sex and you definitely weren’t one to cry. It felt embarrassing.

Yuta propped himself up on his elbow, eyes looking down at your face as his finger drew lazy circles on your hip. “That’s not true. You want out of your parent’s shadow.”

You shook your head. “That doesn’t count. Everyone wants to be independent. I don’t know what I want for myself and my life outside of moving out.”

“I don’t want this to sound mean.”

You looked at him, unamused. “You just told me the meanest thing I’ve ever heard not even an hour ago, but  _ now _ you care about hurting my feelings?”

“You needed to hear that. It’s different.” He defended himself and you rolled your eyes.

“Whatever. Just say what you were going to.”

“When you’re handed everything in life, you’re never taught to want anything. You wouldn’t know how to want something because you have it all. Take trying to find something to do for the rest of your life, for example. It isn’t a need because your parents are too prideful to tell people they have an unsuccessful child. They’ll find you an admirable career.”

You tried to blink back to tears and stared anywhere but at the boy next to you. Your life had always lacked direction just like Yuta said. This was nothing new to you in any way so it was frustrating that you just started caring now. Everything was fine until you had met Yuta. Now, if you were being honest, the one thing you knew for certain that you wanted was him. “I want to know what I want.”

“I want you to, too.” He said earnestly. 

After you got your emotions together again, you looked at him. “What do you want?”

You wanted him to say he wanted you but he didn’t. Why would he? “Well, I want to be a professor in literature.”

“Why literature? And why a professor? Your father’s okay with that?”

“It’s just always been something that interested me. And my dad just wants me to do  _ something.  _ He’s not too picky anymore.”

“Must be nice.” You mumble. You didn’t want to be bitter. You were glad that Yuta had the opportunities that you didn’t. It still didn’t stop the pang of jealousy in your chest that spread after hearing him talk about getting to have what he wanted.

He nodded, not trying to hide the fact that he was living the perfect life. “It is, and I won’t act like I’m not lucky. I just wish you could have the same thing.”

“How do I even get into art?” Right now, it felt like all hope was lost. You had no classes in art, no experience with any sort of medium, and you honestly lack motivation.

He shrugged. “I have no interest in art so I couldn’t really tell you.”

“How are you simultaneously the most and least helpful person in the world?”

He laughed, leaning down to kiss you. You cupped his cheek as his lips lightly grazed your own. “I know what I said earlier, but you’ll figure this out.”

“I’m supposed to stay mad at you so I can kick you out. I was thinking maybe this time I could throw your clothes out the window and you can run through my house naked.”

“While I love your creativity in trying to humiliate me, what if we don’t do that this time?” He smirked, running his hands through your hair.

Your fight didn’t come immediately after. You should have known that while your explosives could be delayed, they were never truly preventable. Yuta was the flame and you were a fuse. He was bound to make you explode. It was only a matter of time before the two of you pushed each other away again. 

It happened at a casual get together at Johnny’s place. The two of you had snuck onto his roof, passing a cigarette back and forth between the two of you. It started off so simple, joking back and forth, lazy kisses between exhales of smoke. You were breathing him in and genuinely enjoying his company. Neither of you had anything to drink so far, but nowadays you never felt like you needed it. Being alone with Yuta made you feel a way substances could only attempt to touch. You were too comfortable with him as you laid by his side, head resting on his shoulder. You had sunken into a routine that was somewhat healthy and you would be damned if you let yourself be happy for longer than a fleeting moment. That was how you end up feeling the pain that made the happiness seem like a curse.

The blanket of security and complacency was ripped off as Yuta made a halfhearted joke without thinking of the consequences.

“Let’s run away.” He said, leaning back on his elbows as the rough tiles of the roof dub into his skin. 

You laughed, not paying the boy any mind. “Yeah, right. We would get sick of each other in twenty-four hours.”

“Nah. You don’t mean that.”

You looked at him, face blank. “What’s the longest we’ve gone without a fight?”

“Well, we’re setting a record right now. We’re going on three weeks. Seems to me like we’re only getting better, princess.”

You rolled your eyes as you took a long drag from the cigarette. You refused to answer him. It didn’t matter that you hadn’t had a fight. You knew it was coming. You were in the middle of the calm before the storm whether you liked it or not.

Yuta nudged you, drawing your attention to him. “You love me.”

It was a joke and that was it. That’s what he intended it to be. Yet, it struck a chord in you. It reminded you of just how deeply your feelings for Yuta had gotten. Ideally, you could love him. You wanted to love him. It just wasn’t realistic knowing the person you had become in a year and a half. “I do not.”

He laughed, probably assuming you were continuing his banter. “Yes, you do. Admit it.”

“You think I care about you?” You snapped at him, putting out the cigarette. It was no longer a joke. Your entire demeanor changed and it didn’t take long for the boy next to you to catch on and throw his own walls up.

He looked at you, eyes wide with surprise before shifting to a burning fire you know you started. The calm and collected Yuta you usually saw during fights was gone. “Yeah, I do. I think you’re falling for me but you’re too scared to admit it.”

“God, Yuta. Get over yourself. You’re so egotistical.” You laughed bitterly, shaking your head. 

“What else? What else do you think about me, ___?” He spits back at you, not controlling the anger like he usually did such a good job of doing in moments like this.

“You’re selfish, narcissistic, uncaring, and cold.” You answered, holding eye contact throughout. None of it was true but you thought maybe if you said it confidently enough, you would believe it. You could turn him into a person he wasn’t just like how you molded yourself into someone stubborn and closed off.

With his tongue poking the inside of his cheek, he nodded gently. “Congratulations, princess. Everything that you say you hate about me is what you refuse to admit about yourself.” He stood up. “I’m done. Come find me when you wanna stop playing games.”

“You don’t mean that.” You didn’t have time for his dramatics. He wouldn’t ever leave unless you kicked him out. He was the one who would try to reach out to you and initiate an apology. It was always him first. You knew in thirty minutes, it wouldn’t matter because his tongue would be down your throat and you would be stuck in the cycle again.

“I do. I do mean it this time.” He said and something about the tone in his voice clued you in to the fact that he was serious. “I can’t keep coming back hoping that one of these times you’ll learn you can trust me just to get shoved out again.”

“You’re the one who told me not to trust anyone.” You defended, trying to keep your emotions at bay. All you had done this entire time was take his advice and keep your distance.

“Maybe I should have taken my own advice instead of trusting you.” He sighed, gripping the edge of the roof and dropping onto the balcony below.

It hurt. More than you ever expected it to. When you had first met him, he told you of his plan to saunter through life not trusting anyone in order to fulfill his dreams without them being manipulated. Somewhere along the line, he chose to trust the least deserving person in this city. He trusted you. 

Yuta did share characteristics with someone in the circle. While you were busy trying to force him into a box he didn’t fit in, you didn’t realize that he was just like how you used to be. He was chasing after someone who refused to give him what he deserved. He trusted someone that had no intention of giving him what he gave in return. He made all the mistakes you had once made and it hurt knowing you were the one to cause him pain. 

You didn’t have the heart to chase after him. He would be better off without you just like you were better off without Jaehyun. Call it what you want, but you had no problem drowning in the pool of self-deprecation and pity. Everything Yuta had ever said about you was true. As you sat alone on the roof of Johnny’s home, looking at nothing but the expanse of stars about you, you realized just how insignificant you were.

For years you had prioritized yourself to the point that you were unable to see anyone else’s pain. You were a hypocrite and a horrible one at that. You used people for your own gain. Despite the fact that you were attracted to Yuta and even developed feelings for him, you used him as a distraction. You called him when you were bored. He had every right to walk out on you tonight and he should have done it earlier.

When you walked through the party, you ignored glances or people calling your name. You needed out and you needed to be alone. The only place you would be able to get that was in your own home. No one in your house talked to you anymore. Even your mother avoided you in order to please your father after you yelled at him one night for the fact that his parenting style was similar to that of a dictator. 

Maybe you had always been alone, but tonight was the first time you felt it as you sat in the middle of your bed surrounded by things of a ridiculous monetary value. Coming to terms with solitude was easier than you expected when you realized it was how you lived all along. You saw the person you admired yourself for becoming as strong, resilient, and confident in what they wanted. Now that you had talked to Yuta, you had realized that you were the one that was selfish, uncaring, and cold.

Sicheng had provided a place for you in his home and all you did was rely on him when you needed him and disappeared until the next time you wanted to be out of your house. You had no idea how he felt or what he wanted in his life. You knew even less about him than you allowed him to know about you. He was the only person you felt like you had and you had used him, too.

The next morning you forced yourself out of bed and walked downstairs. You picked out a set of keys for one of the cars your father never drove and left the house with no one around to stop you. Your father’s driver wasn’t here after he successfully dropped you off last night at a respectable hour. He probably had the day off for a job well done.

As you got into the car, you let out a slow breath. You had been driving for a few months now and were pretty good at it. Never had you been in a car without Yuta though. His calming voice always put you at ease when you were behind the wheel but you had to drive alone at some point. Why not start now?

You eased out of the driveway and through your gate before pulling out onto the road. You just needed a second to adapt to the sensitivity of the pedals. Before long, you felt comfortable enough to actually go the speed limit which was a relief. People were no longer honking at you or speeding around you to flip you off. Your breath had steadied and you were on your way to the nearest craft store. Yuta said you had no future if you continued down the path you were on so it was about time you forged a new path. 

You grabbed a basket and threw in everything you could find. You grabbed canvases, paints, sculpting clay, even an easel just for good measure. If you were in a different store, you would go ahead and buy a kiln, too. You had no idea what you were doing and that was somehow the best part of it all. You had a world of possibilities in this basket and refused to remain stagnant any longer. Just because Yuta had given up on you, didn’t mean you had to give up on yourself.

When you got home, with the car intact, you carted your hundreds of dollars worth of art supplies up the stairs and into a room at the back of the house. It was supposed to be another sitting room. Considering your family didn’t even use the first one, it was safe to assume this would be a good place to do all your work. 

You laid a plastic sheet over the carpet before standing up the easel. You loaded different colored paints onto the wooden board and stood up. Dipping your brush in the various colors, you painted until you no longer had any white space left to cover. It had only felt like a few minutes, but it had undoubtedly been at least a few hours. 

Stepping back from the work your eyes scanned over the canvas. You weren’t exactly able to describe what you had made but it wasn’t the self-portrait you had originally intended. Maybe it was a reflection of what you felt instead of how you appeared. If you looked at it that way, the painting wasn’t terrible. It was just kinda bad. 

Swallowing the defeat you felt looking at the failed creation, you plopped down on the floor. You hadn’t made what you wanted, but being covered in paint and in a room all by yourself felt like as close to a home as you could get without Yuta. 

Sculpting was what you really wanted to do so you took out a piece of clay only to sit there staring at it. You had always daydreamed about all the creations you would make once you finally got the chance. Now that the opportunity had presented itself, your mind had gone blank. Your inexperience was beginning to set in as you realized that even if you knew what you wanted to make, you wouldn’t be able to do it. It was unrealistic for you to think that today you would discover you had a fully developed talent that you had never put to use before today.

This disappointment hurt worse the second time around and you felt tears begin to pool in your eyes as you reached for your phone. You weren’t a master at art, but you could become a better friend.

You called Sicheng and made the conversation as short as possible. You just needed him here. You planned on explaining everything before asking to start over. The least he deserved was a friend who was willing to attempt and erase their past and move forward.

Sicheng walked in the door about an hour later, looking around confused before his eyes landed on you in the middle of the floor.

“Okay, first things first. You need to downsize. You told me to find you in the room you never use, but that’s most of the house.” He sat down in front of you on the plastic tarp. “Second, what’s with the art project?”

“I want to be a sculptor.” You admitted. It was something you had never shared with him before. Up until now, the only person who knew about your dreams was Yuta.

He looked at the mound of clay before back up at you. “I support you but um. I think you made need a class or two.”

Sobs broke through your chest as you buried your head between your knees. Sicheng’s eyes widened as he watched you crumple in front of him. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No, you’re right.” You choked out, words barely intelligible. “I’m shit at this and I should have known. I also should have known that I’m too shitty of a person to have the one thing I’ve ever wanted.”

It wasn’t about sculpting anymore. Sicheng seemed to catch on because he furrowed his brows. “Did you and Yuta break up.”

“We were never together.” You admitted to him. You thought it was clear that the two of you were not anything of importance, but the way Sicheng looked at you proved otherwise.

“He stormed out of the party last night and you stormed out thirty minutes later. I don’t care if you think you weren’t together. Something was going on between you two and everyone knew it.” Maybe the two of you were more public than you originally thought. It was embarrassing to know that your first attempt at a relationship after what happened failed and everyone saw it fall apart.

You shook your head to regain focus. “Sicheng this isn’t supposed to be about me.”

“You’re a crying mess surrounded by discount art supplies.” He gestured to the messy tarp you were sitting on. “How was I ever supposed to allow this to be about me?”

“Because I’ve been a shit friend to you and this is supposed to be where I apologize.”

“You’ve been through a lot lately. I knew you would come around eventually.”

You shook your head, not accepting the excuses he was trying to make for you. “You’ve been through a lot, too. We went through the same thing at the same time and you comforted me while I did nothing for you.”

He sat quietly. He couldn’t deny that it was the truth. It was a miracle he didn’t give up on you just like Yuta did. Eventually, he looked at you. “It was easier for me because Sooyoung and I’s relationship became that of convenience. Neither of us had feelings for each other anymore but no one wanted to admit it. You still loved Jaehyun.”

“But I didn’t know it was like that. I didn’t even present an opportunity for you to tell me that.” You started in again. There was no excusing your behavior and you wouldn’t let your best friend invalidate his own experiences to protect you.

“It’s in the past. You obviously are very remorseful about it now.” He said. He clearly wasn’t going to let the conversation continue on this way. “What I care about is the fact that I’ve never seen you like this.”

“Yeah well, I’ve never felt like this.” You sighed, slumping against the wall behind you.

“What happened last night?”

You looked down at your feet as you crumpled the plastic underneath you. “I told Yuta I didn’t love him and that he was selfish and uncaring.”

“Wow. Okay.” Sicheng’s shocked tone caught you off guard. He had never witnessed you and Yuta fight. He had only ever seen the two of you flirting and leaning on each other in a drunken mess. “I think you’re apologizing to the wrong person right now.”

“Sicheng,” you paused, not sure if you were ready to say it out loud but you forced yourself to anyway. “I think I love him.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that. You know that, right?”

You covered your face with your hands, rubbing your forehead. “Honestly, I don’t. I didn’t, at least. He just… Damn it, Sicheng. I just felt like he genuinely loved me and I threw it all away.”

“With the look on his face last night, I think he’s just as upset as you are.” He comforted you.

“So, what do I do?”

He looked at you, face blank and unamused. “I don’t know. Maybe, you could go apologize.”

You stood up, kissing him on the cheek before running out the door. 

“Do you need me to drive you?”

“I can take myself.” You yelled back through the door.

You passed your dad in the kitchen and he studied your appearance as you grabbed his car keys off the counter and kept running out the door. You ignored his shouts of protest and anger as you climbed into the car and pulled out. This time you weren’t able to calm your racing heart as you drove across town to Yuta’s neighborhood.

You pulled up to the gate, entering the code you had seen him enter so many times. You barely even put the car into park before you were getting out of the car and going up to his front door. His regular housekeeper let you in and didn’t even give you a second look despite the disheveled state you were in right now. You walked straight to his door, not even knocking before shoving it open. 

Yuta automatically placed the book he was reading on his nightstand and stoop up. “___. What… How did you get here?”

“I drove here.”

“You drove here?” He repeated, clearly stunned by your method of transportation.

“Let me talk.” You waited for him to say something else, but he stood there silently while waiting for you to continue. “I’m sorry. I’m the one who’s selfish and mean. Everything you have ever said about me, no matter how harsh, is true. I am nothing but a coward. I’m afraid of my own emotions, for god’s sake. You don’t deserve the way I’ve treated you for months now and you had every right to walk out on me. I would have given up on me a long time ago.”

“I didn’t give up on you.” He said, walking closer to you.

You looked up at him. “But you left.”

“You’re stubborn. I knew you wouldn’t let me go that easy. Even if you hate me.”

“I do hate you but,” you whispered. “I love you, Nakamoto Yuta.”

His arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you towards him as he pressed his lips to yours. His free hand brushed your hair out of your face and tucked it behind your ear softly. You moved your lips carefully with his. You have kissed Yuta plenty of times but never had it felt like this. 

He broke away, pressing his forehead to yours. “I love you, too.”

You pressed your lips to his briskly before breaking away. 

He took a step away from you, grabbing your hands and lifting up your arms. “So. Why are you covered in paint.”

“I decided to kick start my career only to find out that I kinda suck at it. Like, really suck at it.” If only he could see the mess you left in your new makeshift studio.

He laughed softly. “And about you driving here...”

You scratched the back of your neck. “Yeah, do you happen to have any of my clothes here? I may be murdered when I get home so I think I’m gonna avoid that for a little while longer.”

“What if we take the car and run away like I suggested last night?” He suggested, pulling you back towards him.

You raised an eyebrow at him, picking up on the risky joke. “Bold of you to bring that up again so soon.”

“You can leave again.” He nodded towards the door and you smiled.

“I’d like to break that cycle for good.”

“That’s quite the challenge. I like it.”

You didn’t have to hide anymore. With walls knocked down, you found strength in vulnerability. The old you was gone and no one seemed to miss her. You and Sicheng were able to go back to normal. Your life was still filled with ridiculous monotony that could drive anyone insane. You went to the same party with the same people. Went to the classes your father chose for you while managing to sneak in a few art classes as well as taking some at a local gallery. But at the end of the day, nothing mattered. You had Yuta, and he was the only difference you needed.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: lovingyong


End file.
